Contrary to what I’ve said a million times, I do not hate my job. It is mindless and boring at times, but my coworkers are friendly and things run smoothly and when they don’t, I know how to handle it. Most of the time. But working at Big Company is not something I want to do forever. What do I want to do? I have been struggling with that question since I graduated high school six years ago.
I have never had a clear cut plan about my career path. I changed my major five times in three years, and, after four years of college, finally settled on getting my AA just to be done with the whole mess. College was not in my best interest. I’ve often thought about going back to school, maybe to become a nurse, and then I remember that I didn’t like college. I loathed it. I hated the homework, the large classes, the mandatory chapel, the cliques, but most of all, being in college only served to remind me every single day that I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was supposedly working towards a degree but that seemed so far off, so in the future, that it didn’t seem real. Kind of like saving for retirement does now (don’t you worry, though. I’ve got a 401(k)).
No one was more surprised than I was when I landed a corporate desk job. I always thought of myself as too vivacious, too creative, to be stuck behind a computer typing numbers all day. Is this what I was going to do for the rest of my life? Am I stuck in the land of office jobs? Will I never again be a part of a team, lending my talents to serve a bigger purpose? Will there ever come a day when I will be called upon to do something exciting, or is reconciling statements all I’m good for? I’m obviously qualified and good at my job–you don’t survive three rounds of layoffs without that little ego boost–but it’s never a job I really wanted to be good at. I was afraid that if I was good at it that I would be stuck. Forever. And every job after that would just be more accounting, more data entry, more annoying pantsuits. All because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had the opportunity to go to college but wasted it because I couldn’t make up my mind.
I still have no idea. I have no long term goals, a fact I lamented to Lauren in a moment of extreme panic. Is it okay that I don’t have long term career goals? Everyone around me seems to be in school or done with school and I’m… well. I’m in Oregon. With a corporate desk job. And a husband. A husband who makes all of this, the job that doesn’t satisfy me, the internal struggle I face when I think about an actual career, the fact that I cannot wear pajamas to work, okay. He is the most supportive husband I’ve ever had and I adore him for it. It is not easy to deal with my long-winded ramblings about Work and Life and Things In General. But he listens and gives advice and cracks jokes. His sense of humor has a way of completely turning around a conversation, and for a while I forgot why I was even worked up in the first place.
Today was my last exam in the last class I will (hopefully) ever take at this school. I got a 40 on my last bio test. Out of 42. That’s a 95%, folks.
The books have been sold back and I am happy to report that in the whole year that I have been a student at this school I did not receive one parking ticket for not having a parking permit. Smooth.
Now that my schooling is completed I have time to work more. This is good & bad. Good because work = money, and bad because work = work. It’s a tricky situation I have on my hands, folks.
Jackie needs to come home.
Jackie, do you hear me?
COME HOME.I can’t wait until Saturday to see you again. My heart feels lonley and empty without your presence. No one else laughs at my dumb jokes. No one goes to Huddle House with me at ungodly hours and drinks caffeinated beverages when we should probably be at home sleeping like normal people. I am lonesome for my Jack-o. This has given me a taste of what life will be like without you and I can’t say that I’m impressed.
Filed under: school
The take-home test isn’t due until next Monday, which simultaneously thrills me and pisses me off. On one hand, I spent the entire day today busting my ass to crank it out. On the other hand, what did I really have to do today? Hmm? Nothing. So for the duration of the week I can continue to improve the test and get a great grade, rather than getting the B I probably would’ve gotten.
That’s right.
I’m going to try and get an A.
I’ve decided that I just might care about school afterall. Not because I’m a hyperacheiver or anything, but because if I don’t pass all of my classes my mother will kill me.
She’ll kill me dead. Probably more than once.
After class tonight (o yeah, I’m also staying for the WHOLE ENTIRE PERIOD – two hours and forty minutes of world civilization) I’m going to get my paycheck from Job Two and then go home and work on my lab report for the fruit fly experiment.
That’s due tomorrow, too. For sure.
All of this scholastic activity is bound to give me a headache.
Three more weeks and then no more.
No more writing papers, no more studying for tests, no more trying to store useless information.
Hopefully.
I mean, there will be more if I decide what I want to be when I grow up (which, I’m guessing, is pretty freaking soon) but that will be completely voluntary.
Today in biology we dissected a pig.
I was the one who did the cutting.
It was pretty amazing and I’ve concluded that I should be a doctor.
Filed under: school
Most of the time I really love my biology lab.
We get to use microscopes and look at blood and bone, and we get to draw, and soon we’ll get to dissect a baby pig and I’m surprisingly excited about it.
Today we were presented with a 5 week long genetics project involving fruit flies.
The biggest challenge I see in this case? Keeping those little fuckers alive long enough to gain some useable observations.
When I walked into the room today there were eight large vials of two different kinds of fruit flies. Four of them contained wild fruit flies that had the dominant trait, and the other were wingless, which is the recessive trait.
The theory was that we would separate each vial into male and female groups, and then put four of each kind into a separate vial that we had prepared with food.
But how do we stop the little shits from climbing/flying out of the vial and see to it that they remain still while they are getting separated?
Fly Nap. It’s essentially a poison, but exposing the flies to it for a minute or so doesn’t kill them, it just knocks them out for a few hours. Then, using a microscope, we separated them into their groups (females have a more pointed abdomen with stripes) and then scooted them into our vial.
In my personal vial right now I have four female wingless, and four male wild.
Two of the winged bugs have died already.
We got more than we needed (just one of each, so they can hurry up and bang and have some babies) so dear baby Jesus, please let at least one of each make it through the night so I can do this freaking project.
I’ve been in a blogging rut lately. It’s hard to make mundane life seem interesting and exciting, especially when you’re not particularly interested or excited about it.
I wish I could be as whimsical as I used to be, random and quirky and full of “what the hell is she talking about?” but the things going on lately have been heavy and solid, so unlike the situations that I’m used to dealing with that I don’t even know how to write about them effectively.
I miss Jason more than I can possibly say. Sometimes it hurts to the point of physical uncomfortability, like a rock is sitting on my chest that no amount of phone calls will remove. Sounds crazy, right? It makes me want to scream; it makes me angry. I knew that this would happen going into the relationship so I’m not surprised but waiting six months until I see him again just plain pisses me off. I had planned on going up there some time this month but that’s not happening due to a tight financial situation and saving for the Great Migration. Do you know how frustrating it is to get into an argument and not be able to know by their body language and facial expressions how they are reacting to something you’re saying? And then afterwards, not being able to kiss and make up? I hope you never have to know.
School is grating on my nerves. I hate it, HATE IT. I’ve never been a school sort of person, despite graduating high school with a high grade point average. I did well because it was easy and I went because it was required by law. I’m ready to be done with it. I don’t care about molecules or cells or the dawn of civilization or what happend to the Aztecs. Not one freaking bit. I want this to end so I can please stop worrying about it and move on with my life.
If you knew you could do something without failing, what would that thing be?
We were in fourth grade.
Jackie came in after the year had already started, and I remembered her from a daycare that we went to over the summer at Pleasant Grove. I remembered that she drew well, and that she had a sister who was blonde.
She did not sit at my cluster of tables, but at one in front of me with the other group of smart kids. Teachers always grouped us like that: smart kids, average kids, below average kids.
In fourth grade Mrs. Eldridge drew a mural on the chalkboard of the rainforest and we all had to give speeches on an animal. I spoke about the sloth, and I remember being so nervous that I had to restart three times, thus beginning my career as a professional “I will not speak in public”-er.
In fourth grade we had a Florida report to do. It is exactly the way it sounds: a report on Florida. We got the assignment months in advance, and we got reminded to do it almost every day. There were pages we had to color, small reports we had to write on the climate and the govenor and the state song. I waited until the day before to do mine, thus beginning my career as a professional procrastinator.
In fourth grade we often played Carmen Sandiego and I loved that game. The first time I remember cracking myself up was when Jackie and I were playing it and she said “Where’s Newport?” and I said “In Richey.” There’s a city in Florida named New Port Richey and I said it not to be funny, but because of word association. I remember laughing very hard, thus beginning my career as a professional laugher.
It’s nice to remember, sometimes, to think about who we are and our reactions to experiences that made us that way.
Jackie, please don’t kill me for posting this.
I feel like the internet needed to see it.
Filed under: school
“Are you in high school?”
“No, I’m in college. Are you in high school?”
“No, I’m in fifth grade. But I go to the high school sometimes with my brother to pick up girls.”
“Is that right?”
“Yeah. But I might have to go to the college because those girls are pretty too.”
As previously mentioned, I was in way over my head last night as far as doing things I should’ve been doing the whole semester was concerned. The problem I had with my assignment wasn’t related to time or my understanding of the material, it was the lack of resources. You see, every week the professor gave us a slip of paper that told us the assignments. I had quite impressively managed to lose 3/4 of those strips of paper. At around midnight thirty, I gave up completely and accepted my fate as a failure at school and Life in General.
This morning, however, the sky parted and the Light of Heaven shone brightly upon this underacheiver in the form of Natalie, a girl I sit next to sometimes. She had kept all of the papers in a folder (a folder! How innovative!) and was ever so delighted to hand them over to me so I would have a copy of all of the assignments.
The assignments had to be typed and burned to a CD and turned in by 5:30. I hauled ass out of the lab and got home at 11:30. Worked on them until 12:30. Got 5 done. I went to my biweekly observation at the Primary School, came home, played three games of spider solitaire, read blogs, did more assignments, entertained Jackie for an hour, and handed in the burned CD of my acedemic endeavors at 4:30 p.m.
I didn’t have all of them, but I had a hell of a lot more than last night.
All in all, I was pleased.
This evening my mom and I went to Frankie’s for dinner (I had chicken quesa-dilluhs in case you were wondering) and then grocery shopping and then Jackie came over again to help me with another project I have to do.
This one was a lot more fun.
For my math class we have to do a geometry project that demonstrated the use of lines, area, perimeter, volume, and angles. I chose to build a gingerbread house because it’s festive and original.
It’s so freaking cute that turning it in tomorrow makes my heart ache with longing, because hello? A gingerbread house? That’s good eats right there.
We also had to write a report about our project, detailing how we demonstrated geometry in the project and so forth. I started the report at 10:26 p.m. and was done at 10:55. It’s three pages long.
I am amazing.
I have nothing to do right now.
I guess I could start on my other math project (remember how I said I have two math classes this semester? Well, the classes are taught by the same dude. Who requires projects for each class. I hate my life, okay?) now. I actually might do that and get something done early.
Early.
That’s almost as innovative an idea as folders.
I have decided to stop doing my homework because there is a snowball’s chance in hell that it will get done, mostly because I managed to lose 75% of the material that I had and have reached the point where I no longer care about school, can I please just get through December, thanks so much.
The evening was spent online being productive (for most of the time) and watching “Studio 60.” I don’t watch a lot of TV, but that and “House” are the two shows I make it a point to watch. And do you want to know the beauty of my life right now? Next semester I have classes on Monday and Tuesday nights, but they get out before 9. So I’ll be home in time to watch TV. I didn’t plan it that way at all, and it’s further proof that Jesus wants me to watch television. Giving me a set of basically healthy eyes and a hand with an opposable thumb that knows how to grasp the remote control was a big tip off, too.
I made spaghetti tonight for dinner and it might’ve been the best meal I’ve ever made. Or maybe I was just really hungry. And it’s weird that I was hungry because I ate breakfast and lunch today (which I rarely do because in the morning I usually just roll out of bed and go to class, and then for dinner I eat nothing because I’m at work). I also went to the gym and so now my legs feel like they’re going to fall off.
All of this sudden productivity feels strange.
It was bound to happen sometime, though.
In an effort to become more organized with the assignments I have to do today, I’ve decided to type them all out and then cross them off as I complete them.
Chapter 1 assignment
Chapter 2 assignment
Chapter 3 assignment
Chapter 4 assignment
Chapter 5 assignment
Chapter 6 assignment
Chapter 7 assignment
Chapter 8 assignment
Chapter 9 assignment
Chapter 10 assignment
Chapter 11 assignment
Chapter 12 assignment
Blogging competency
Powerpoint competency
Email competency
Digital video competency
Microsoft Word competency
Website competency
That list is daunting and if anyone feels like helping me out with it over the course of the evening, I will happily acquiese your request with a resounding “hell yes!”
I have tonight to get it completed.
Sounds like a job for someone else entirely.
pi = 3.141592653589
79323846264338327
95028841971693993
75105820974944592
30781640628…
That’s all I can tell you about pi because that’s all that’s written in the math lab.
So sorry to disappoint.
Today in my first math class (yes, I take more than one math class because I was a dumbass when signing up for classes this semester) we did presentations (which I haven’t started yet) and we got out way early, but I have to stay because in my second math class presentations are going to be presented (which I also haven’t started yet).
Not so much with the diligence.
I did, however, get an 89% on my most recent first math class test.
There is much I have to do today, and there could be very little I have to do today had I been keeping up with the assignments as the semester progressed.
But as previously stated, I’m not so much with the diligence.
So I have a Crap Load of Shit to do.
Which means I’ll be blogging a lot as a means of even more procrastination.
Last night I had a plethora of interesting conversations, which ended in me calling Laura because I could not sleep and then, after hanging up with her, promptly dozing off into a state of REM-filled wonderfulness.
Dark chocolate M&Ms are not good.
They leave a weird aftertaste.
I hope that everyone’s day is full of good tidings.
Yes, tidings.
I leave you with a question that I’d like you to respond to, even if you never respond to any of the random crap I post about:
How do you feel about two people living together before marriage?
Please let me know.
Filed under: school
I came to school today and completely forgot my books.
And homework.
And calculator.
Do you understand how difficult it is to take a math test using the calculator on your cell phone? It’s not great, especially when it’s the first time you realized that your phone even had a calculator.
It is so freaking crowded in here today; it’s usually really quiet and some stupid girls are walking around looking for computers near each other. These are the same girls that can’t go to the restroom by themselves, and probably get each other to wipe the other one’s ass.
Teamwork at it’s saddest.
I’m eating apple pie for breakfast.
Pie is good. It’s my third favorite food.
I don’t like fruit pies, though, with the exception of apple.
Pecan and key lime and lemon mer-ang are definate favorites.
My tech ed class was cancelled today and I am eternally grateful
to the Gods of Cancelling Class for that miracle because I was NOT
looking forward to presenting my lesson plans. I can’t do much
talking without coughing my lungs up and my throat hurts
like the dickens. O yeah. The dickens. I’ve decided that I have strep
throat.
31 days. That’s a month. That’s like January, March, May, July, August, October, or December. Man. Putting it like that makes it seem like an eternity. But if I said that I have five weeks until Oregon, that seems a lot shorter. Especially when I kindly remind everyone that Christmas is just a mere four weeks away. That’s it. Just four. FOUR! FOOOOOOOOORE! (Please say that as if we are at a driving range hitting golf balls at the little thingy that drives around and picks up the golf balls. Thank you.) Except… maybe not. Because there are seven days in a week, and seven goes into thirty-one four times with 3 days left over. So a little over four weeks.
There.
That’s better.
“How do you find the area of a rectangle?”
“Base times height.”
“Good. What’s the difference between this parallelogram and a rectangle?”
“It’s italicized!”
School is winding down and I have much to accomplish in a week.
This includes, but is not limited to:
+taking a test
+building a gingerbread house
+writing a paper
+writing another paper
+typing out three lesson plans
+doing all of the assignments I should’ve done this semester
+studying
+doing homework I should’ve done over Thanksgiving break
Plus working 32 hours this week.
I have my work cut out for me.
Just thinking about it overwhelms me.
I’m completely torn between napping and making a small dent in the lesson plans.
Hmm.
Today is my parents’ 30th wedding annivesary.
Their marriage has been a good example to me, I think.
They never fought in front of us. We ate meals as a family. I was disciplined but never felt for one second that they stopped loving me.
I hope that my marriage is solid like that.
I’ve decided against taking a nap as I don’t have to work tomorrow and can nap then.
It’s good to make command decisions.
Dear Devin;
Blog please.
Thanks,
the girl who is not a manbot
Dear Anberlin;
I plan on calling you tonight
so we can discuss recent
events that have happend
in both of our lives.
Expect a call around 8:30 your time.
If this is no good, please let me know.
Thanks,
D
Dear Megan;
I lost your number.
Please contact me again
so I can hang out with you
because last time we did I
had a gay ol’ time.
Thanks,
Denise
