1) salted pita chips
2) Lost
3) afternoon naps
4) sunny(ish) days
5) The Sims
6) Frost/Nixon
7) Mondays off
Last week I switched from working 5 eight-hour days to 4 ten-hour days. So far it’s been pretty nice. Working for ten hours isn’t as bad as I thought it would be and I love having a three-day weekend. Since Jason’s schedule for the radio station is still kind of weird–3 a.m. to 8 a.m. and then again at 1 p.m. to 3 p.m–Jason and I have spent some of this down time together (on Mondays) instead of the measly three hours when I get home at 6:15 (Tues-Fri).
The new car is still running amazingly and life, I’m pleased to report, is going swimmingly. Not a whole lot to complain about and it’s fantastic.
Filed under: lists
Lauren tagged me in a Facebook note to list 25 random facts, habits, or goals that I have and share it with the world, but instead of posting notes on Facebook I will use this handy dandy blog. So here we go.
1. I cannot resist any meme that invites me to share information because I really enjoy talking about myself. I think most people do because it’s the subject they know the most about.
2. Because of this, I do not think any of the things I am about to share are random. I also think that many of you already know them so this might be a stretch.
3. When I was very young I had a baby doll. One night her head fell off while I was sleeping and my mom duct taped it back on. I have also chewed off some of her fingers, vomited on her, and drawn on her. She is a mess. When my parents were coming to visit last year, my dad took some pictures of Baby (as she is known) in front of the computer “looking at airline tickets” and asleep in my bed. It was very hilarious but very precious because I still love that baby.
4. When forced to talk about something I am angry about, it takes me longer to get over regardless of whether or not there has been resolution. If I do not talk about something, I tend to get over it more quickly.
5. I am very scared of giving birth. Terrified. My insides recoil at the thought.
6. I am checking Lauren’s list to see if any of her things give me ideas. So far only the doll tidbit she shared (she used to have a babydoll attached to the hood of her car in high school because she thought it was cool at the time) has spurred anything.
7. Whenever we run into someone Jason knew from high school, I think “I am glad that will never happen to me here.”
8. All of the people from high school I want to keep in contact with I have kept in contact with. Thanks, Facebook.
9. I prefer to write in black ballpoint pen on yellow legal pad.
10. Sometimes I write out my blogs before I post them. The longer, more insightful ones are the result of a very precise method: sitting outside smoking and doodling until something comes to mind. I often have an idea of what I’m going to write about but neither the patience or the persistence to keep the thought going. Thus, there aren’t that many long posts anymore.
11. I am very happy to be married. This does not mean that I am better than you because I am married or that my life is more fulfilling.
12. I cheat at games. If given the opportunity to see someone’s cards, I will. I justify this by thinking “If they are dumb enough to show me what they’ve got, I’m smart enough to look” so at the time I don’t consider it cheating but yeah. I’m a cheater.
13. I always think I’m more of a cat person until we go to my mother-in-law’s house and I hang out with her dog.
14. I reference TV shows constantly. It does not matter to me that the person I’m talking to might not have seen the show. Once something has found its home in my brain, I must use it. Frequently referenced shows: Arrested Development, Friends, and The Office. Those are the most frequent because those are the ones I’m watching at the moment.
15. Jason does not like watching movies from my childhood with me because I cannot help but mouth the words. Movies he does not like watching with me: Home Alone, The Santa Claus. Movies he flat out refuses to watch with me: Cinderella. He has not yet had the magnificent opportunity to watch The Sandlot with me and I doubt he ever will.
16. I have no desire to go to California. None at all.
17. I think this next year I am going to cut soda from my diet. It’s been on my goal list for a while but I’ve never done it before because the thought of giving up Diet Coke is almost painful.
18. I do not like watching YouTube videos. Whenever Jason says “Babe, you’ve got to come watch this” I rarely ever do.
19. I have eaten at least two Tums a night for the past 5 years. I’ve decided that if I ever develop osteoporosis I can sue the company.
20. I wish I took more pictures. I also wish I knew where the hell my camera was.
21. This is the longest time I have lived in any apartment since I left for college.
23. I can’t be 100% sure, but I think I’ve grown out of biting my nails. It only took like 20 years but whatever.
24. I recently started liking tomatoes. I tried them when we were on vacation. Tonight for dinner I had mozzarella salad (tomato with mozzarella and red pepper and all of these different spices and balsamic vinegar) and it was freaking delicious and way more healthful than the pasta I usually order. I felt proud and very satisfied.
25. Being friends with someone who cooks often has inspired me to start cooking as well. In fact, when we were going to Devin’s parents’ house for Christmas Eve, Devin’s mom asked if I could bring a cheese ball. I said “Sure, I can make that.” That was my first thought. She said “You know you can buy them, right?” The thought had never occurred to me.
1) Sweep the porch, including getting the fine spiderwebs off of the door hinges and out of the corners.
2) Clean out the nook area where the grill resides (this is Jason’s job as we have killed two black widows from that area and while I’m not scared of spiders per se, there is an old sheet back there for who knows what reason and I’m afraid that if I move it I will disturb the mother load and spiders will attack me. I would feel more comfortable if the spiders attacked him is what I’m saying).
3) Go to Si Casa on Thursday night for a dinner in honor of Tawnya.
4) Clean the bathrooms, including the baseboards and around the bottom of the toilet.
5) Throw out the leftovers in the fridge that we swore we would eat one day but never got around to.
6) Stop ending sentences with prepositions (this is more of a work in progress).
7) Go to wedding rehearsal on boat.
8) Try not to fall overboard.
9) Find something appropriate to wear to the wedding on Saturday.
10) Give self a manicure.
11) Go grocery shopping. We’re not poor, Mom & Dad, we’re just lazy people who eat inhuman amounts of Subway.
12) Move the computer back to its intended room.
13) Make sure there are no naughty poems spelled out in magnetic words on the fridge.
14) Recycle the millions of bottles we have around this place.
15) Cry because said bottles produce a total of $0.12 in cold, hard cash.
16) Shave legs.
What has actually happened so far:
-Load of darks in washing machine
-Cleaned out bottom draws of fridge
-Found rotten squash
-Gagged & coughed
-Hit back of head on freezer door and gave self concussion.
The invitations went out on Thursday! I am tickled pink that so many people have commented on them, and I cannot thank the girls at Z-Towne enough. If ever you are in need for invitations/announcements, please stop by the site. Tell them Denise sent you. Not a whole lot will happen because I am in no way affiliated with them, nor am I suggesting by mentioning my name you will get a discount, but maybe Amber will say, “Oh! Denise recommended you! That was nice of her.” Then you guys can chit-chat about my awesomeness for a while.
Filed under: lists
I cannot walk into a public library or a Barnes & Noble without having to poop. I do not know why this happens – the thought of new books doesn’t make me that comfortable – but it happens kind of a lot. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is or what I’ve eaten: books make me poop. Clarifying statement: books from Barnes & Nobel make me poop. I sometimes read on the toilet, so maybe it’s some sort of weird psychological response to seeing books that makes my lower intestines all, “Hey! It’s about that time!”
It really creeps me out when pet owners refer to their pets as their “children.” I do not know why. I also find it irritating when couples say that they’re pregnant. I’m all for empathy and la maze classes and watching the childbirth video together, but no. Both of you are not pregnant.
There are lots of bees in the southern Oregon area. I do not remember these pesky bugs in such a high density in the central Florida region. I’m sure it has something to do with all the flowers. There are no love bugs to scrape off the hood of my car, though, so I guess life is a trade off.
There really is a difference between the different brands of toilet paper, and while it’s not necessary to get Charmin Eight Ply Aloe Infused Diamond brand, please don’t scrimp on the pennies when it comes to bottom-cleaning tools.
Lately TiVo has been skipping and pausing randomly, and it has ruined two programs I recorded: Bridezillas and a program about the colossal squid. I was really disappointed about the squid thing because hello! It was the FIRST EVER LIVE COLOSSAL SQUID CAUGHT EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MAN and because of stupid DirecTV I missed both the colossalness and the squidness.
I really like the show Scrubs, but I’m pretty sure it has more to do with the prettiness of Sarah Chalke than any actual dialogue. Except I really do like the dialogue.
If I could live in anywhere, I would live in Tennessee. Those mountains are beautiful. I’d also be near Graceland, and who wouldn’t love that?
Those commercials where they list all of the benefits and side effects of a medication in a group setting irritate me greatly. When’s the last time you had one of those conversations? “What? You’re on Plavix? You could get anal fissures, eyeball goop, and toenail fungus. Be sure to talk to your doctor if you’re nursing, pregnant, and may become pregnant. Now pass me those hor dourves!”
That’s about it. Enjoy your week.
Filed under: lists
Along the same lines but with an extra word.
I don’t know how to drive a stick-shift.
I don’t know when I’ll quit biting my nails or cracking my knuckles.
I don’t know how to cook anything amazing, but what I do know how to cook is pretty delicious.
I don’t know how many quarts in a gallon, how many tablespoons in a cup, how many cups in a quart.
I don’t know the metric system.
I don’t know how to network a computer.
I don’t know what he meant by that, sorry.
I don’t know how to make myself stop crying once I start.
I don’t know how to pee outdoors without getting it all over myself.
I don’t know why I started blogging.
I don’t know how to play sports. I know how sports are theoretically played, but I haven’t ever played any (except that one year I tried basketball and was a total failure).
I don’t know why I’m suddenly allergic to my deodorant.
I don’t know anything about physics.
I don’t know how to read music in a time signature other than four/four.
I don’t know how to read a paragraph and not restructure the sentences and correct the grammar.
I don’t know how to draw anything other than stick figures and the occasional three-dimensional box.
I don’t know how to make a drink other than pouring vodka into whatever substance happens to be in the cup.
I don’t know how to keep my CDs organized.
I don’ know why the caged bird sings.
I don’t know how I end up meeting the coolest people online.
I don’t know how to cure hiccups.
I don’t know what it’s like to be anything other than “the funny one.”
I don’t know why I remember the little things.
I don’t know any foreign languages.
I don’t know what I did to end up in Oregon, but I’m really glad I did.
I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
I don’t know what it’s like to have a child.
I don’t know the innerworkings of the female mind, but I could probably help you if you really needed it.
Last night we got a Christmas tree.
It’s fake.
Before you start your bellyaching about how fake Christmas trees ruin Christmas, allow me to point out a few things:
1) Real Christmas trees are a pain in the ass. First you must go buy the tree (or chop it down, if you’re feeling woodsy). Then you have to deal with putting it in the tree stand, holding it straight while maneuvering it eight different ways while someone else takes her sweet time deciding if the tree is, in fact, straight.
2) Do you know what happens when living plants begin to die? Their leaves fall off. Did you know that the leaves of a fir tree are pointy and sharp and fall off at a rate of about a thousand a day? That means someone has to vacuum every day. That someone would most likely be me. And have you ever stepped on the leaf of a fir tree at just the wrong angle and the thing stabs you violently in the soft part of your foot?
3) My hands remain sap free.
4) It’s less expensive in the long run. A seven foot tree costs about forty dollars. Forty dollars a year for a tree. Our seven (and a half) foot tree cost seventy-four dollars. In two years it will have paid for itself. It has been scientifically proven that fake trees last significantly longer than real trees, and I’m not one to argue with science.
There isn’t anything a real tree has on a fake tree. If you’re one of those nostalgic folk who yearn for the smell of fresh pine I urge you to invest in a Glade candle. It smells like the real thing with none of the mess a real tree instigates. Also, fake trees are flame retardant. It’s always good to be safe.
I’m really tired, House was amazing tonight, and I’m pretty excited about us going to Jay’s parents house for Thanksgiving.
Things I’m thankful for:
1) sleep
2) House
3) any excuse to eat heaping platefuls of starchy goodness
Simply amazing.
Filed under: lists
(events listed chronologically, or as close to chronologically as I get get them)
1. Carving pumpkins
2. This season of House
3. This season of The Office
4. Saving money for whatever
5. The smell of heat
6. Seeing my breath
7. My 23rd birthday
8. Scarves
9. Fuzzy socks
10. Pumpkin pie
11. Bare trees
12. Hot cocoa. With marshmallows.
13. Egg nog
14. The first snowfall
15. Decorated houses
16. Christmas carols
17. Christmas in Bend
18. Christmas Eve
19. Telling Santa stories
20. Celebrating our year anniversary
I got tagged and now I have to tell you 8 random things about myself.
Hold on to your hats, ya hear?
1) When I was in 5th grade I went to see “Phantom of the Opera” for the first time. I loved it more than anything in the world, especially the music. I came home and played, by ear and tonal memory, part of the title song on the piano. It impressed my parents so much that they signed me up for lessons.
2) I type 85 words per minute.
3) Rummy is my favorite card game, and I’ve developed a pretty good little winning system. I can’t let you know what it is, though, because then you would use it to beat me. That’s the way the world works.
4) I use a q-tip every night.
5) Until recently, I never ate nacho cheese Doritos. Now I love them.
6) I could watch The Office (US version) and Friends until the cows came home. I love those shows.
7) I thought that thinking of 8 random facts about me would be no problem, but I recently made a “100 Things” page so there’s not much else I can come up with that hasn’t been said before.
8) I hate milk. Just thinking about milk makes me shudder.
This morning I made a list of the things I had to do before I got a job (or before my parents come), and it is as follows:
1) Get an Oregon driver’s license
2) Order checks
3) Get an oil change
4) Do laundry
5) Clean the bathrooms
6) Sweep and vacuum
7) Clean off the stove
After making my list I went to the DMV. I got there are 11:30 and left at noon. I’ve had good luck with DMVs so far; when Jackie and I went to get our Florida licenses renewed we were in there for maybe 15 minutes. Seventy-two fifty later ($5 for the test, $57.50 for the license, and $10 for the smog test [I know, right? A smog test. I've never heard of such a thing]), I’ll be getting my new Oregon license in about two weeks. It has to be mailed to me. Mailed! You’d think for seventy-three bucks they’d be able to swing a machine that prints them on-site. But you’d be wrong.
I’m also in the beginning stages of registering my car. That means Oregon plates. That means that I’ll be official. First, though, since Oregon is a title-bearing state [which means...something] I have to send a bunch of paperwork to the place I’m drawing my loan from, and they’ll release the title to the Great State of Oregon. Then, after paying $121, I’ll get my plates and little sticker in the mail. What a joy.
Two things crossed off the list in a matter of hours. They were the most time consuming (meaning I’d actually have to get up and get dressed) so I opted to get them out of the way. I read somewhere that thinking about doing something is actually more stressful than actually doing it, and given the events of the past few weeks I don’t think I could handle any more stress.
I’m really looking forward to my parents visit. They’ll be here next Thursday (they were going to come on Friday night, but now that I’m not working they decided to extend the visit by a day. That’s great and all, but now I have to think of things for them to do and I doubt highly that going to Howiee’s or going over to Lauren’s with Jay and Megan are legitimate outings) and will be leaving on Sunday. I’m really looking forward to seeing them and showing them around. Given my propensity for getting lost, I’m guessing we’ll be spending a lot of time in Jacksonville because I always seem to end up there.
Before anything, before I type one stinking thing about the trip, I would like to thank Amber for updating and creating cute little maps that mostly kept track of where we were.
Now.
I’m not sure how to fit everything that happened into an entire post (we did just drive across the country and all) so I will make a list.
+Met and ate dinner with the most awesome Ashley. Internet, you have allowed me to meet nothing but lovely, funny, brilliant, and beautiful people and this one was absolutely no exception.
+Saw three dust devils and lots of tumbleweed
+Got caught in a tornado warning
+Went into a casino for the first time and won $200
+Went into another casino and lost $20 in ten minutes
+A rock hit the windshield in Colorado and left a little ding. By the time we got to Medford, the ding had grown an arm that now extends a foot from its original point of origin.
+I did no pooping or peeing by the side of the road
+Got very tired of driving, riding, and generally being around a car. From now on I’m walking everywhere. Or taking a horse.
Today is the day we move in. First we must go to the bank, then the apartment company, then the apartment itself. Then I will spend the rest of the weekend trying to make that place feel like a home rather than an apartment I just stumbled into.
Filed under: lists
1) macabre (muh-kah’-bruh): gruesome and horrifying; ghastly; horrible.
2) surreptitious (sir’-up-tish’-us): marked by quiet and caution and secrecy; taking pains to avoid being observed.
3) superfluous (soo-per’-flew-us): being more than is sufficient or required; excessive.
4) elucidate (ill-oo’-sid-ate): to make lucid or clear; throw light upon; explain
The past two days have been full of social activity, and me participating in said activitiy is so out of the ordinary that I want to blog every detail to prove that I actually have friends and am capable of being around people for two whole days in a row.
I have to make a list instead, because lists are more fun and quicker.
In the past two days I have:
1) Hung out with Laura
-She called me on Sunday night and said that her mom told her to call her friends and ask them to come eat all the food they had left over from a gradutation party. I happily obliged. After eating and talking and laughing, we went shopping. And then we ate some more. And then we watched Scrubs.
2) Hung out with Jackie
-I know this doesn’t seem like a huge deal as I hang out with her almost every day, but usually she comes over before she goes to work. This time she came over when she didn’t have to work. So we went shopping. And last night she, Pete, and Shelly taught me how to play poker. I need to work on being more nonchalant and not screaming “Son of a bitch!” when I get a crappy hand, and not smiling like an idiot when I have good cards. It gives everything away.
3) Talked to Amber
-It was good to catch up with her. Talking to her puts me in a better mood.
4) Hung out with Danielle
-She called me while I was shopping yesterday and asked to reschedule my hair appointment (she works at a salon, by the way) for an earlier time. I was a little frazzled because I was next in line to spend money so I didn’t remember much of the conversation. After Jackie went home I went to the salon to talk to her and ended up getting my hair cut. Then we went to a Japanese restaurant for dinner where I tried sushi for the third time in my life. It’s still disgusting, by the way, but I could eat edamame for the rest of my life.
Yesterday was also the day that I got to bring home my new car. It’s shiny and blue and new and has working air conditioning. Air conditioning! I feel loads more comfortable driving New Car across the country. Even if the $4000 worth of stuff got fixed in the old car, I would constantly be worried that the engine would fall out or the timing belt would snap and leave us stranded in the middle of Cow’s Ass, Tennessee. Not so much anymore. One hundred fifty seven dollars for the next four years of my life is a fair price to pay for a little peace of mind.
I can’t upload pictures of New Hair or New Car because the cable that connects the camera to the computer has been packed. Because I’m moving in 31 days. Hot damn.
+24 vs. House: Each of us will have to find something else to do for an hour on Mondays and Tuesdays. Thank goodness they’re not on the same day.
+Sleeping arrangements: I do not listen to anything while falling asleep. He listens to the radio.
+Time management: Being in Florida makes me three hours ahead of him, meaning when I wake up at seven my internal clock will be telling me that it’s ten. When it’s eleven at night in Oregon, the Floridian in me will be screaming “Take me home! It’s two in the morning!”
+Music: This one will just have to be chalked up to “Fine, listen to country. For an hour. And then we can listen to NIN for the rest of our lives.”
+Arts and Entertainment: Our taste in movies isn’t too similar, but it’s better than our views on what constitues music. This one shouldn’t be too bad at all.
+Sports: I don’t really have a favorite baseball team so his rooting for the Red Sox doesn’t hinder my love for him. But next year, when the Ducks play the Gators? Or the Gators play anyone from the western United States? Someone’ll be sleeping on the couch.
Filed under: lists
-Cigarette smoking can shorten the penis up to one-half of an inch due to decreased bloodflow.
-If one of the two of you are going on a trip and you will be separated for a long period of time, use sex toys before the separation so when you masturbate later you’ll have recollections of intimacy and love because you used the toy together.
-Open communication is the key to good sex.
-”Scrotum” was originally a Roman word that had nothing to do with testicles. It means “a quiver of arrows. “Vagina” meant a sheath for a sword.
-The CDC has informed doctors that only one class of drugs is effective in treating gonnorhea.
-Having sex in water forces the water into the fallopian tubes and may cause endometriosis and PID.
-Queefing is funny and should be regarded as such.
