Filed under: Uncategorized
Just kidding about the sickness exiting my body. Maybe it did for a while and then realized it forgot it’s jacket or something and decided to stay. And have a house party. Silver lining: I have not smoked in a day. The desire to do so has been trumped by my need to, ya know, breathe and stuff. Maybe it’ll stick.
I went to work for a little while today to change cubicles, and while my time card says I was there for around two hours, my recollection of the event is fuzzy at best. I do know that I blew my nose a lot. I remember because I got excited that I found tissues at the bottom of one of my drawers and was relieved to not have to use paper towels anymore. Talk about a highlight.
Tonight we’re going to our friends’ house to play poker. The last time I played poker I was sick, but I also came in first place and won $100. Perhaps history will repeat itself. Fingers crossed!
Filed under: wedding
Many of my friends are getting married, and since I’ve been married for a little over three months now I feel it wise to share the wisdom I’ve gained from the whole process. And also I have nothing else to write about and am just using the “I have wisdom” deal to seem Thoughtful and Knowledgeable.
So. I got married. I was a blushing bride, so to speak. I have also been a bridesmaid, a fact that lent itself to even more insight when it came to planning my own wedding. The biggest misconception that many brides have is that this day is all about them. It’s not. Every decision you make will affect someone else, and I while don’t say that to put undo pressure on an already stressful situation, I made it a point to announce it first because it is the most important thing to remember. You are not the only one getting married. There’s the groom, for one thing. And the wedding party. And the guests. So while you think that it’s a fantastic idea to get married outside at 2 p.m. in the middle of summer, your guests will probably not think so.
Choose dresses that are flattering on all body types, if you happen to have wedding party members that have different body types. Best suggestion: pick a color palette and tell them to go nuts choosing whichever dress flatters them and makes them feel most comfortable. Suggestion for bridesmaids: stay away from shiny materials. It is unforgiving, especially in pictures.
PICTURES. If your photographer is telling you to pose in positions you do not wish to be captured on film, tell her no. My photographer wanted to get about fifty shots of me by myself, and I understand that I’m not the most sentimental person on the planet but seriously, I know what I look like. Pictures are more interesting when there’s more than one person in them. Do not be afraid to speak up. I did, and even though she looked at me like I had four heads, I got the pictures I wanted.
While this day is not all about you, as a bride, you are left with most of the decisions unless you delegate them to other people. Not many people I know will outright ask if they can plan your bachelorette party; they will wait for you to ask them to. If you would rather someone else decide on something, say bridesmaids’ hairstyles/make up, say so. Just because you are the bride does not mean you have to be stressed out. That’s why you have bridesmaids.
Speaking of which – there is no such thing as over-communication. I mean, calling every fifteen minutes is kind of insane, but they should not have to ask you where the rehearsal dinner is/where you’re registered/what the colors are. This is information they should know. And they will know because you will tell them. Make it clear early on if you would rather just communicate to the maid of honor and then have the other bridesmaids speak with her; there should be no guessing on anyone’s part as to what time to be where.
Lastly, and I know this is at the end of every paragraph in every wedding magazine ever created, but don’t sweat the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, it will not matter what kind of flowers you had (I still do not know what kind of flowers mine were) or what the centerpieces looked like. Those things do not make a marriage. Apparently I had a very fun wedding. I was told numerous times that mine was the best wedding they had been to and the food was amazing (which I did not taste because I had a head cold) and the dancing was great but I do not remember it (and not just because of the head cold). It went by so quickly that I could not believe for one second that anyone would stress over a day that flew by. No one will remember what kind of cake you had or what your first dance song was; those are little stressors and are part of a bigger picture. And with any luck, you’ll get really sick the night before the wedding and spend the ceremony/reception hopped up on Dayquil, non-drowsy Sudafed, and Zicam.
Filed under: Uncategorized
The sickness has, for the most part, exited my body. So that’s fun.
You know what’s not fun?
Being awake at 1:00 a.m. because I don’t know why. Goodness gracious.
Filed under: Uncategorized
OH MY GOD WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO NOT WANT TO RIP OFF YOUR OWN HEAD.
Filed under: Uncategorized
My entire household (sounds like more than two people, right?) is sick. Jason started getting sick on Sunday, and I got sick today. I went to work for one hour and four minutes and then I took 9 hours of vacation time. I went to the pharmacy and picked up some Robitussin and NyQuil and plan to administer medication once Jason gets home. We’ll drink it together, Jonestown style. (Not really like Jonestown. I don’t need the police called when all I’m trying to do is stop the coughing via the recommended dosage.) Until he gets home, I’m self-medicating with Girl Scout cookies.
When I walked into our apartment after a very long and exhausting day at work, I was immediately greeted by that weird garbage smell. I did not smell it when I left for work. What could possibly have decomposed in an hour? I did not root around to find out. Instead I walked the garbage to the dumpster and cleaned out the pail. I was up to my armpit in weird garbage smell mixed with Clorox disinfectant and tried my best not to vomit all over the kitchen. Then, as I was picking up a pair of shoes from under the little bar area, I whacked the back of my head on the counter and probably concussed myself. That deserves another cookie, I think.
Over the duration of our year & a half of cohabitation, I have made great progress in the “getting Jason to try new foodstuffs” category. I’ve made corn casserole, Nutella pancakes, bananan pudding, broccoli casserole, and pot roast. I have also introduced him to the wonder of replacing ground beef with ground turkey or chicken, marinating steaks in Italian dressing, and putting barbecue sauce on chicken. Did I mention he had a thing about barbecue sauce? Because he declared that he did not like it and that it was gross and lo and behold, we ate it on chicken one night and had barbecue chicken three nights in a row he liked it so much. Just a little dab, though.
Tonight was an interesting experience, and before I continue I must let you know two things:
1) Jason does not like gravy and
2) Jason does not like soggy bread.
Now. I am (basically) from the south. Some do not consider Florida a part of the south, but we have some pretty good food down there. The thing I missed most was biscuits and gravy. I have never brought this up as a meal option for the reasons listed above but we had potato soup last week and Jason declared his love for it, and since the gravy part of the biscuits and gravy meal is thick like potato soup, I decided to test the waters.
“You know, the gravy in biscuits and gravy is kind of like potato soup.”
“…Really?”
“Yes. Except instead of potatoes, there is sausage.”
When we went grocery shopping on Sunday I picked up a packet of sausage gravy mix and threw it in the cart.
“What is that?”
“Gravy mix.”
“Why is it white?”
“Because the gravy is white.”
“OH! I always thought you meant, like, Thanksgiving gravy.”
“No, it’s creamy and not full of turkey floatings. Will you try it? Please?”
“Yes, I will try it.”
Perhaps he expected me to forget we had it. Perhaps he thought that if he kept his mouth shut and suggested other things for dinner that I would not remember that I have biscuits in the refrigerator door and a thing of gravy mix in the cupboard. But no. I did not forget. And tonight we tried.
The result? He did not hate it. He even went back for another round. There was some scrapage of the gravy off of the bread so it would not get too soggy, but all in all I consider it a win. I do not think we will be eating it again any time soon, but I am proud of him for trying.
My next endeavor will be sloppy joes, which will be equally as hard since it is ground beef and barbecue sauce on a toasted bun. The toasted bun part is really important here (see: reason #2), but I think he’ll like it. Should probably wait six months or so, but marriage is about compromise.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Have noticed that a few of my friends are following user dashley on twitter.
Note: that is not me.
There is a link on the side of this blog that links to the correct twitter user. The one that is me.
Just an FYI.
Filed under: random
Today felt so drawn out. All I wanted to do was be home, and that feeling started the minute I got back from lunch. I had planned on meeting Jason for a quick dinner and then working out, but I ate a little too much and had to forgo the gym. Probably a good idea as my legs & abs are still sore from yesterday and I’m a little gassy. Who wants to work out next to a tooty runner? Exactly.
My brother graduated from Cop School tonight and is well on his way to fulfilling his childhood dream of becoming a police officer. Note to all Florida perps: watch out! Also please don’t shoot him. Bullets aren’t necessary. Give him a solid purple nurple and he’ll hit the ground.
I am proud of my brother. He graduated with a BA in criminal justice and now has a, uh, cop degree. Or maybe it’s a certificate. I don’t really know what they give people when they graduate Cop School. A plaque of some sort to commemorate the experience? A trophy with a little gold plated sheriff on top? Maybe a gold star like those cops in westerns. I would totally steal that if they gave it to him. He’d probably taser me though since he’s allowed to do that since I would be breaking the law, and I bet he’d just really like to use his taser. Especially since I just told the whole wide world to twist his nipples.
So we got a new coffee table.
It’s a little big because in the grand space of the furniture store everything looks proportional. But no matter. It’s beautiful and meets all of our coffee table needs.
See? Pretty.
Except one thing. It’s trying to kill my knees.
It has little pully outty things to put stuff on and I keep banging my legs on it. I am not used to having to pay attention when walking past a coffee table (it’s not like it’s a living thing that can reach out and grab me, right? Fairly innocuous) and every time I get up, I hit my leg on the pully outty thing.
It seems to just be my issue as Jason never hits his legs. This is probably because 1) I have to walk past Jason’s side of the coffee table while going through the kitchen and then BANG there goes my knee cap and 2) he is taller and also pays attention.
Yesterday, after months of many failed attempts, I finally watched all three original Star Wars movies. They were not as bad as I thought they would be, nor as boring. It was a good story and I enjoyed the saga. I do not understand the conventions and the big deal that has been made of them, but yes they were good and yes, you would watch them because it’s very likely you won’t kill yourself like I always thought I would.
Filed under: relationships
I was talking to a friend recently and she has been dating a guy for kind of a long time. She said, “If the relationship fails” something something. I didn’t pay too much attention to the rest of the sentence because I was so thrown by her verbage. Maybe we have been too conditioned about the words “succeed” and “fail.”
Relationships are not like a game of baseball. If you do not hit the ball, you strike out. If your team does not score as many runs as the other team, you lose. Game over, failure.
But relationships are a tool to help us find a suitable mate, and the only way to tell whether one will be compatible with the other is to date, form a relationship, and see if it blossoms into something more. If blossoming does not occur, then a break up commences. And breaking up does not mean failure (unless someone failed to keep their tongue in their own mouth). It means that the relationship did what it was supposed to do: gauge whether or not a specific someone was right for the other specific someone.
Many of my friends are going through breakup issues at the moment and I am steadily running out of advice for them, mostly because they all seem to posses the same “I failed, something is wrong with me” mentality. No, something is not wrong with you. Something was not right in the relationship so it is over now and that is a good thing. No sense wasting time with someone you know is not suited for you. But some people do waste the time (girls moreso than guys). They would rather be happy some of the time and be with someone, ANYONE, just to say they are in a relationship, then spend time on their own, doing their own thing until the proper person comes along. I was single for a very long time. I discovered at kind of a young-ish age that it’s better off to be alone than poorly accompanied.
It’s not failure. It’s revelation.
Filed under: Uncategorized
You know how sometimes you’re boiling water and then the phone rings so you talk to whoever is calling and then you hang up and maybe fold some laundry and make the bed and then realize you have to pee, so you go and then watch some TV and by the time you actually remember you were supposed to be making dinner all the water has evaporated out of the pot? The water in that analogy is this blog, and everything else is, well, everything else. My life has been a little hectic. Well. Not really my life so much as the lives of those around me, and because I am a Good Friend I am There For Them and by the time all of that is said and done it’s bedtime, folks, and I really need to sleep or else I get kind of cranky.
So.
Crystal moved back into town the last week of January, and we decided that when she did move back we would have girls’ nights. No boys allowed. Let’s eat dinner and drink wine and talk about life. So that’s what we did on Friday. This girls’ night consisted of Meg, Tawnya, Crystal, and myself and we were going to eat dinner and go to a movie but we got to talking and all of the sudden five hours had passed. It was fantastic to get to know the girls apart from their husbands/boyfriends. It was the funnest night I’ve had without Jason in a very long time.
Since we last talked, this has happened:
1) My friend’s mom died
2) Same friend decided to get divorced
3) Friend decided not to get divorced
4) I went bowling and broke 100
5) Work work work
6) I finished reading The Gun Seller and it was amazing
7) Watched Burn After Reading and it was just okay
8) Different friend exited a relationship
9) Caught up on lots of celebrity gossip
10) Spent copious amounts of time on facebook
11) Purged my facebook of people I do not talk to/necessarily care about
12) Watched Lost
And now you’re all caught up. Riveting, right?
Filed under: letters
Why do you have to smoke weed at 6:30 in the morning?
I do not understand.
