Filed under: wedding
Stacy recently noted that I hadn’t updated anything about my wedding (other than a passing mention in parenthesis), so to counter that I bring you a wedding update:
-We’re still getting married.
-It’s still in Florida.
-4/5 groomsmen have been fitted for their tux
-1/5 bridesmaids have gotten their dress
-Invitations are in the process of being made
-Centerpieces have yet to be decided
I got a call from the wedding coordinator this morning letting me know that the harpist is unavailable because “an umbrella harpooned her arm.” It’s okay if you laugh. I did. Who gets harpooned in the arm? While eating a sandwich outside? Obviously if she’s outside it’s not raining. Why the umbrella? And what caused the harpoonage? So many questions I had, and none of them answered.
This is a lot more stressful than I thought it would be, between the small-time drama of choosing bridesmaids to the questions I get asked about random shit that doesn’t matter (“Should I wear flats or heels?” Like I care about the shoes on your feet. I really don’t). All of this, and now I have to worried about people getting harpooned by seemingly harmless objects. Watch out for that cotton ball! It would be a shame if it got lodged in your eye.
Can I vent a minute about registries? And how tacky I think it is when people enclose registration information in their invitation? It’s like “Hi! We really want you to come to our wedding, and we REALLY want you to bring us some shit! Here’s where we’re registered!” I understand that the information is enclosed because, um, uh, yeah. I don’t understand why it’s enclosed. Word of mouth is an incredibly effective communication tool, and if people really want to know where the couple is registered there is someone they can ask (bride & groom included). Why do people choose to cheapen their invitations by including that kind of information?
Please let me know what you think because it really bothers me.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Dear the 276 people who read my blog today:
1) Where did you come from?
2) Sorry.
Despite what anyone tells you, a breakfast of egg whites isn’t substantial. I was hungry by 8:30.
After much hemming and hawing, I’ve decided I want an iPhone. Why? Because I’m sick of listening to the shitty rock music at the gym. “But Denise,” you ask, “Why not get an iPod?” Because an iPod doesn’t make phone calls. Nor does it have a twitter application. I have priorities, you know. Plus Jason has one, and since we share a plan, it will make our phone bill cheaper.*
We’re rewatching Lost because we’re big dorks. Also, someone may have burned us a copy of season 4. Maybe. And we may be all set to watch it once we finish the rest of seasons 2 and 3.
I want some ice cream. That about wraps things up.
*This claim has not been authenticated by any actual research as I prefer to be disillusioned into thinking my idea is correct.
Filed under: work
They had been calling me for weeks about payment status on our “significantly past due account.” The problem started because it was a revolving account; they billed by statement, and we paid by invoice. We had to pay by invoice because we were buying parts. Had it been office supplies or detail materials or anything else that didn’t require being inventoried, things would be fine. But this wasn’t the case.
Another strike in our column: consolidated payments. We cut checks to vendors every week, and because many of the stores use the same vendor we send one huge check. Say, for example, we have three invoices for Carquest: one for $100, a credit for $50, and another invoice for $10. We send a check to Carquest for $60. Most of our vendors know this and have accepted it and have adjusted their billing to reflect our style of payment. Most of them. When we, a big company, send consolidated checks to another big company, it becomes sort of a corporate dick wagging contest.
In order to fully research their accusations of the account being past due, I needed proof. I requested a copy of each statement from when the account was last current to now. The account was last current in July of last year. Fantastic.
I received the copy of the statements (three weeks after I requested them, but whatever), pulled up a copy of every check we’ve ever sent that company, and printed a copy of each check that pertained to the account. I even made a spreadsheet.
The fax was (and remains) sixty-seven pages long. I fed the pages 8 at a time through the fax machine because the poor machine clogged the first time I loaded all the pages on there. I stood there for half an hour feeding in page after page. I waited another twenty minutes for the fax confirmation to come through.
“Result: BUSY.”
Of course it was busy. Of course.
I refaxed it and have yet to receive a response. I think that since they call me every day regarding the account, I will fax them my research every day until they call me and tell me they’ve received it. Sounds fair, you think?
Filed under: Uncategorized
Why hippies smell so badly: Tom’s of Maine deodorant is basically a stick of wax in a container.
Completely ineffective after about 15 minutes.
Filed under: Uncategorized
My uncle died on Thursday. He’d had cancer for a while, but was supposedly doing a lot better. He was eating, his hair was regrowing, he had more energy…
No one was ready for this, and it was a lot more difficult than I anticipated it would be.
Filed under: note to self
Dear Self,
I understand that you’re trying to shape up for your wedding (which is in four months holy shit), but did you really think it was a good idea to go to the gym 15 minutes after scarfing a homemade chicken taco? Really? You can justify the “protein” element all you want. The fact of the matter is this: you feel like you swallowed a bowling ball and you kept burping up taco-flavored puffs of air each time you exhaled.
Next time stick with an apple and save the meal for after the work out, you dumbass.
Sincerely,
Yourself.
The long weekend jacked me up, sleep wise. Thursday was full of grilling. Friday was full of walking around Ashland and grilling. Saturday was full of seeing a movie and not grilling, but Sunday was more of the grilling and sitting by the pool and getting my vitamin D via the Deadly and Poisonous Sun. We stayed out, tooled around town, were in bed by whenever we felt like being in bed because we’re grown ups. Sadly, because we’re grown ups, we have our grown up jobs to contend with so rise & shine at 6:30 this morning. Except I didn’t get to sleep around 1:30, even though Jason was rubbing my hair (a fool proof Denise shutter-upper, to be sure). So my rising to greet the day was less Thank You Jesus for This Day and more of a giant middle finger to the universe.
Some things are going on that I cannot divulge, not because I think that I’m so powerful that by merely mentioning said things will cause them not to happen, but because it’s kind of Top Secret and I’ll tell you when a) it falls through or b) it happens. P.S. I’m not pregnant; please stop that thought right now. Why did I mention it? Because I like to share things with you. Even things I can’t share. That’s the kind of person I am.
Filed under: Uncategorized
This weekend was full of many exciting things, the first on the list going to Ashland for the fourth of July. It’s a beautiful city but all of the tie die and patchouli gave me a headache. Everything was all “Make Marijuana Legal!” and “Kill All the Unwanted Babies!” There was also a booth selling 100% hemp clothing, as well as a place where you could get a haircut and support the blind. Risky procedure, I’d say.
We spent a lot of time with Jay & Megan, I learned how to make German pancakes, and I slept a lot. Thanks, PMS, for giving me a reason to lounge around all day and take naps. Mwah to you. Bad news: Jay & Meg live on the second story, so going up & down the stairs eleventy times a day made my achin’ legs even more achin’. They stopped feeling like cement posts on Saturday and probably would have sooner had the trillion stairs not hindered their progress. Oh the sacrifices I make to hang out with my friends.
Today:
-tried pita chips for the first time
-dropped my shirt in the toilet
-knocked over an open box of q-tips
-had a chicken sandwich
-watched The Hammer
-sat by the pool
-watched the fourth season of ‘It’s Always Sunny’
Productive? Not so much. But it’s the weekend. Whatev.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I like wine.
One bottle by myself.
Second night in a row.
Happy Birthday, America.
Filed under: Uncategorized
An answer to the question “What happened to all the intercompany mailing envelopes?”
I wish there was a good reason for my absence, something like “We moved into a 4,000 square foot house and have been wandering around aimlessly inside of it” or “I’ve been in deep space saving the world from disgruntled aliens” but alas, neither of those are true. What is true: I believe that I’ve used all my brain power convincing myself that it’s okay for my legs to feel this sore and it’s positive a positive thing that my muscles ache so intensely that I can’t wash my hair. The gym, it is kicking my ass. My ass, it hurts because of the leg exercises. Leg exercises, I hate them. I hate them with a fiery passion usually reserved for seaweed, large spiders, and dogs dressed as people. Unfortunately, because I’m paying this man to work me to death, I do the exercises because they are good for me and I will thank him one day.
One day.
Not today, though. Probably when I don’t have to free fall onto the toilet anymore. I’ll thank him on that day.
