Filed under: pictures
it doesn’t look like it hurts, but it hurts to wear pants.
taken at one-thirty p.m.
taken at 12:30 a.m.
more to follow as this thing progresses.
it’s sure to be good.
Filed under: interview
Over the past two months, I’ve done weekly interviews with different people from around the internet. I figured if they were online, they might as well do something useful, like answering the five questions I email them, attatching a picture to the document, and emailing me back. This has worked wonderfully and beautifully, and I will continue to do that in the future.
This time, though, I have broken out of the mold and conducted a live interview. Some of it was written down and some of it was tape recorded, and since we talk all the time anyway I thought we might as well do something useful.
Jackie and I have known each other since the fourth grade. Over the course of those twelve years, I have watched her evolve from a slightly nerdy supergenius into a woman of grace and class. I mean, she’s basically graceful. When she doesn’t try to dance. And she does that often. So maybe she’s just classy. Well, she’s basically classy. She burped at least three times
during the interview, and please get her to tell you the story of how she farted at work one day because that’s a trip.
“Please bear in mind that all things you say after this have the possibility of ending up on the internet.”
“Can I say ‘off the record’ and have it be off the record?”
“No.”
We’re sitting outside, side by side.
The ashtray is between us; I’m cross legged, and her legs are crossed in front of her, propped up on a chair.
“For the record, please state your name.”
“Jaqueline Suzanne Parker.”
“And how old are you?”
“22?”
“Why was that phrased as a question?”
“I have no idea.”
Website: Blog
Frequented sites: blogroll, faceback, myspace, goarmy.com. And my email.
Who do you admire most in your life
My grandpa. He’s best man in entire world.
What makes him that way?
My grandma. Man. If he didn’t love her he wouldn’t be with her because that woman’s a bitch. She’s nasty and mean and she’s a racist. He is the ultimate example of what I would like to be except I’m cool with a vagina and not a penis. He is the most giving, caring, strong person I know. And that’s a shame because he’s senile.
If you had the opportunity to meet anyone famous, would you take it and who would it be?
I would meet Hunter S. Thompson if he hadn’t blown his brains out. He wrote freely. I really admire that. I’d like to meet probably any writer that I’ve ever read; the good ones, that’s it. Bukowski, for example. Kueroac. So many of the people who are actually worth meeting have died already. They experienced a part of America that’s dead now, a part you can’t get back
to, when being different was okay and going against the grain of society was accepted. I’d really like to meet the people who were part of that.
What do you like most about writing?
It’s theraputic. I daydream a lot. A lot. And I like being able to convey myself in what I feel is a productive manner. Privacy is something I’ve always held dear to me and I will flip out if anybody invades that. My writing is my most private part of myself. I like being able to access the part of me that I only know.
Would you ever write as freely as you do in your journal in a blogging situation?
Yes and no. Sometimes I write more freely in my blog than I write in journal because when I’m online some things just occur to me and so I write and don’t feel the need to repeat it in my written journal. But there are some things that I write in my journal that I wouldn’t ever write online. The internet is public and people can access it and some things filter back. And there are some things I dont even write in my written journal because I don’t feel the need to. Those moments, no matter how hard you try, you can’t do it justice by writing it out. It would take too long.
Do you believe in absolute truth.
Nope. And I will tell you why. Well.. yes, I do. The absolute truth is God. Period, hands down, He is truth. He is love. He is grace. He is honesty. But in the secular side of life, there is no truth. There’s no absolute truth.
Do you think that it’s wise to separate them? If you know something is true, because you know what is true, then wouldn’t that mean yes, there’s absolute truth? Separating secular from religious would be sort of ridiculous.
It is. But who doesn’t separate it? The media, for instance. Nothing you hear is 100% true. They have the power to meld that into whatever they want you to hear. Everthing is filtered. It’s all white noise. You never get what you are entitled to, which is the truth. But look around. There’s God in nature. Everywhere. A lot of people preferred being lied to.
Even if you got the truth. Filtered through your experiences.
Exactly. If two people witness a car accident, one person would see it from the left side, one from the right. Their views of the same accident would be true because it’s what they saw.
“Which characteristic of your significant other’s do you admire the most?”
“*laugh*”
“Please don’t be gross.”
“His quivering member. OFF THE RECORD!”
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“Damn. I admire his refusal to be who people want him to be. He’s always himself. Sometimes that bad, and sometimes that’s good. I love how he wants what’s best for me. He takes ‘No Fun Jackie P.’ and makes her fun. He makes her go out when she feels like staying at home and knitting.”
“I see.”
“I didn’t have anything for breakfast, if that’s your next question.”
“Please do not anticipate the questions.”
“*mutters* I had a good breakfast yesterday, though…”
“What do you miss most about your childhood?”
“Ignorance. There weren’t questions then. There was a freedom of imagination. If you said the sky was purple, then it was. But now there are limitations and you have to use reason. If it doesn’t fit within that paradigm of logic then it’s not accepted. You’re taught to strive for acceptance. I wish it was okay for us to feel okay with not being accepted. Now your little bubble has to fit with all of the other bubbles.”
This weekend I went to Tampa to help Mar paint the inside of a building.
We painted, and painted, and painted.
My arms, shoulders, lower back, and calves ache from the persistent rhythm I fell into while painting. And painting. And painting.
My right shin is also bruised because someone decided to fall off a ladder (this someone was not me; it was Mar. She was on one side, climbing up it, and I was on the other side to balance the weight. It was a tricky sort of a ladder, one of those newfangled dealies, and it wasn’t secured all the way. She went up three rungs, and it wasn’t locked fully and down she fell, screaming bloody murder with her face locked into a look of panic and disbelief. Then we laughed and laughed and I just about peed my pants. Her battle wound is a bruised ass cheek, which she would not let me see and no amount of begging would change her mind).
Before I begin my next segment, here is some background information:
Dory and I have been friends since I went to Oregon. We met one night and then it was “When did I not know you?” On New Year’s Eve, we were together constantly because she was the only person I knew there who did not know everyone else plus their mother, so we sat in the smoking room a lot and danced to Mista J.T. when not slowly killing ourselves. The next morning, while everyone was in the smoking room talking about the night before, she sat on my feet to keep them warm and we shared a blanket. The two of us were on a small couch and looked like peas in a pod. And so now we are peas.
Earlier today I told Dory that if Jason ever died, we would have to be together forever and be cat ladies. She decided that we should have snakes instead. I said we should move to Arkansas. She said we should live in a trailer and have flamingos. I said lawn gnomes, too.
Okay. That’s all you need to know for this conversation to make sense.
Also, it’s probably only funny to, like, two people but I had to document this somewhere.
me: dory, today i wrote a song about how we are peas but i totally forgot it
dory: oh no! i want to hear it!
me: i know! i need to compose another one and then call you right away and sing it to you
me: but the first one had every word that rhymed with pea in it. it was pretty amazing
dory: that’s fucking awesome!
dory: i’ll try to write one too.
me: but that’s not fair. because you’re a drummer.
me: so you already know about music
me: and even though i’ve been singing since forever, i don’t know much. i mean, i know theory and shit but writing songs is hard. so you have the upper hand.
dory: i BARELY play the drums. i like to pretend like i’m way better at things than i really am. haha. so i have NO idea how to write a song.
*later*
me: i think i have a song
dory: ok…good. what do you got?
me: i’m still need a line. it’s in the works.
me: you will be the first to know
dory: good. and then maybe we could do a duet.
me: HAHAHA
me: okay. here is one sung to the tune of “you are my sunshine”:
me:
you are my good pea
you are my best pea
when i’m not with you, the pod is sad
you’ll never know, pea
how much i love thee
you’re the best pea that i’ve ever had
me: this song is sung to the tune of the alphabet:
me:
dory you are my best pea
let’s go out and drink some tea
near the sea,
with a bee
oh how happy we shall be
dory you are my best pea
let’s go out and drink some tea
dory: hahahaha
dory: that’s fucking awesome.
me: i’m pretty much a stunning lyricist
dory: ok. let me type for a few minutes and i’ll come up with one.
*later still*
dory: also to the tune of the alphabet song:
dory: lonley pea, by dory thompson:
me: hahaha
dory:
dory was a lonely pea
’till denise flew cross country
she met she and pea met pea
now her life is full of glee
dory was a lonely pea
’till denise flew cross country
me: that’s amazing
dory: ok…i’m writing one more. i think it’s gonna’ be a good one.
dory: this one is entitled “peas are full of good good stuff”. to the tune of mary had a little lamb.
dory:
peas are full of good good stuff:
peas are full of good good stuff
good good stuff
good good stuff
peas are full of good good stuff
which is real good for you
if one pea goes to florida
florida
florida
if one pea goes to florida
don’t worry, they stay peas
one day they’ll live in a pod
in a pod
in a pod
one day they’ll live in a pod
that looks like a dirty old trailer (you have to fit in 3 extra syllables in there)
and they will have some snakes and shit
snakes and shit
snakes and shit
they will have some snakes and shit
to keep them company
one day they will shrivel up and die
shrivel up and die
shrivel up and die
one day they will shrivel up and die
and go to pea heaven….in the sky
the end.
Filed under: interview
Name: Dory Ann Thompson -AKA- “PEA!”
Age: 23
Web address: myspace
Frequented sites: Myspace, usbank.com, Jason’s blog, Pea’s blog, youtube
Of all the things you’ve done in your life, what are you most proud of?
I won an essay writing contest in the 5th grade. It was an essay about my great great great great aunt or some shit who led a pioneer train from the east to west coast. I won a real nice encyclopedia signed by Clyde Drexler.
If you had to live without one of your senses, which one would it be?
Taste. For sure. Then I wouldn’t have the temptation of cheeseburgers, ice cream, brownies, cheesecake, french fries, etc…
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
6. But I only wear 2…my brown Birks with the heel strap and my black mary-janes. And I never wear socks unless I’m snowboarding or something of the sort. My feet like to breath and they’ve always hated the toe seam in socks (I’ve always had to wear them inside-out). I prefer sandals and, above all, barefootedness.
Do you believe in God? Why?
Um…yes…most of the time. I believe in a god that is loving and doesn’t expect us to live by some long ridiculous list of strict rules or else you’re going to hell. I don’t know what he looks like, or what he wants me to do with my life…but I believe in ‘em. If there were no god, then there would be no ‘good’ and ‘evil’…which means we wouldn’t know the difference between right and wrong. Which means we would have no morals. But we do. So for that reason, among some others, I believe that there is. And I believe that he wants us to be a loving people, and everything else will fall into place.
What do you do with your spare change?
I buy coffee and cigarettes. God loves an addict!
Filed under: nostalgia
My father has always believed in the healing power of Gatorade.
For as far back as I can remember, this is the response I would get to any whining on account of my sickness:
“Dad, I don’t feel good.”
“Drink some Gatorade.”
“Dad, I’m choking.”
“Have a big glass of Gatorade.”
“Dad, I just threw up.”
“Did you drink some Gatorade?”
These are not exaggerations; it actually happend this way. I don’t know whether it was some sort of placebo effect or because Gatorade really is some magical wonder drink, but now whenever I feel sick to my stomach I reach for Gatorade before anything else, and nine times out of ten I feel fine afterwards.
FYI: drinking Gatorade instead of water after puking makes one feel loads better. It might have some to do with the electrolytes, or maybe it’s the taste that sort of washes away the “ew I just puked” feeling. Either way, give it a whirl next time.
Filed under: nostalgia
Kelly and I went to Danielle’s tonight and spent the evening watching SNL and lusting after Justin Timberlake. It reminded me of high school in a big way, when we would listen to ‘N Sync and Justin over and over again and dance around to it. One memory would lead to another, and then to another, and then we would be laughing and talking about unrelated but connected things.
It’s nice to spend time with people you shared fun experiences with, even if you don’t hang out with them much anymore. It reminds you why you did in the first place.
Certain recent events have made me realize that not everyone is who they seem to be, that people’s true colors shine through in difficult situations. This is not a new thought by any means, and the things that have been happening validate it rather than render it void.
I happen to believe that we’re all inherently bad, all equally capable of doing wicked things. Even so, I find it hard to keep an open mind when I’m faced with others’ shortcomings. Mostly I’m just talking about one person in particular. We have been friends for years but I find it hard to have a normal conversation now, given what I know. I try and remind myself that we’re on a level playing field, and what happens to one could easily happen to another.
Still. The level of involvement is not the same, and it’s much easier to have a clearer picture of the circumstance when one is outside looking in. I feel like my opinion is being disregarded, and it might possibly be, because I don’t know what it’s like to be in a certain situation. I don’t necessarily have to be, though it would create a deeper level of empathization (did I just make up a word?) and maybe my experiences could give way to a deeper level of communication. But I don’t have those experiences. Should I not be heard? You don’t need to get into a car crash to know that going too fast isn’t a good idea; you can draw on what you’ve learned from seeing other people crash and from talking to those who have had some rocky issues.
Right?
Maybe I’ll cut to the chase instead of trying to justify my point by being vague and constructing complex sentences.
I have a friend who is going through some hard times in her marriage. Quite hard times. And sometimes I think that she thinks that because I have no experience with a hard marriage (or any marriage, for that matter) that the things I say aren’t necessarily valid. That because I’m not there, living her life, that I don’t know what she’s going through.
Perhaps she has a point. But, like I said earlier, I think her views are a little skewed because she’s going through it. It’s easier for me to give her godly advice because I can see the whole picture and be more objective than she has the capacity to be right now.
The whole situation makes me feel a wide range of emotions. It makes me gratful that I’m able to communicate effectively with my boyfriend. It makes me furious that someone is ready to expunge her marriage because right at this moment it makes her unhappy and disregard her wedding vows so readily because “he just doesn’t understand.” There’s a reason he doesn’t understand, and much of it may have to do with the fact that they communicate in two different ways. It makes me sad, because when I was watching their wedding from my position as Third Bridesmaid from the Right I had no idea it would escalate into something as big as this. I never imagined she would let things get to the point where she thought they were unfixable. And maybe they aren’t unfixable, it’s just the unwillingness to try that makes it so. That, more than anything, breaks my heart.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I wonder what it is about puppies and babies and all things cute that transforms one’s voice into something subhuman: the vowels become mushy and spread, and the tone of one’s voice, if female, drops about half an octave. If male, the voice strains about half an octave higher.
Maybe it’s because, when we were young, that’s how everyone talked to us so we automatically revert back to it.
Just a theory.
Filed under: work
I worked today from 7:30 until 3.
Maybe “work” is too narrow of a term, so let me rephrase.
I got paid today from 7:30 to 3.
What I really did was walk back and forth from the grey swingy door to the phone. It takes 13 of my steps to acheive this task. I also doodled a lot, dusted once, filled the cigarettes, signed for two packages, gave one vendor a store stamp, and answered the phone.
Oh! And no one was mean to me.
I consider this a positive thing.
It was unbelievably slow, so slow that a cashier went home early.
In the middle of the day.
That rarely happens because the middle of the day is usually when all the old people wake up from their naps and go grocery shopping.
But today very few old people were out.
Odd.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Today I did absolutely nothing.
That takes care of that.
Please note the brand spanking new “FMP” heading under “Blog Links,” put there for you, the reader. I often talk about many of the same people, and in order for you to keep them all straight, I created a little reference guide. The list will grow and expand as my social circle does (if it does, I should say). If you already know the people I talk about, then just enjoy the creative descriptions. Or don’t look at it at all. The choice is yours, as it has always been. Thank you for choosing me.
Filed under: interview
Name: Devin Michael Soltis
Age: 23
Web address: devinsoltis.wordpress.com
Frequented sites: Myspace, espn.com, youtube, weather.com, and my
blogroll.
Is there anyone famous you would meet if given the opportunity?
I don’t really have the desire to meet anyone. I don’t really understand
the whole “celebrity” thing. They are real people just like us; they
just get paid a ton of money to entertain. I wouldn’t mind playing golf
with Tiger Woods though.
What do you hope to accomplish within the next two years?
I want to be continuing my career and working my way up the ladder. I
want to be in love, not sure with whom, but I know that there is no
greater feeling in the world.
What was the best thing about your favorite job?
My favorite job was when I was in elementary school. My brother and I
would sell golf balls at the course that we lived by. That being said,
the best thing about it was that it was a carefree work environment. I
was the boss; if I didn’t want to work I didn’t have to. We would just
sit around all day watching golf and making some spare change here and
there. We actually saved up enough to buy the original Nintendo that
summer.
Which side of the bed to you prefer?
I am 6′2′ so I sprawl out. I take up the whole bed. However when I have
a guest over I always have to be on the right side. This is because I
like to face the left when I sleep, and it makes it more comfortable to
cuddle up.
If money and education were no option, what would you be?
A travel show host. It would be the type of show where I would travel
around and experience all that a city has to offer (i.e. food, hotels,
shops, cultures) and tell you, the viewer all about it. I would
experience the best and worst of each place that I go to, and then make
my recommendations on what to see and do. It could be called ‘Devin Does
the World’ (kind of sounds like a porno though).
Filed under: books
I’ve gotten back into the swing of reading on a regular basis.
Usually, when I find an author that writes material that I enjoy, I latch on and read everything that they’ve ever written.
Case in point: Augusten Burroughs.
Have you heard of the movie Running With Scissors? He wrote the book. I read it on the way home from Oregon. Then I promtly checked out Dry and Magical Thinking because I so much enjoyed “Scissors.” The same thing happend with Haven Kimmel and Mary Karr; I couldn’t get enough. First She Got Up Off The Couch (which I also got at an airport) and then A Girl Named Zippy, Something Rising (Light and Swift), and The Solace of Leaving Early. Jackie gave me a copy of Cherry and as soon as I was done, I read The Liar’s Club. Obviously my genre of choice is memiors, particularly written by females who have a knack for being funny and honest. I don’t really know why.
Sadly, my time with Mr. Burroughs has come to an end. That’s the problem with good authors; they aren’t too prolific (the new ones, anyway) and it takes some time for them to write new books. Until then, I have begun reading The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (and by “begun” I mean that I’ve read half of the inside flap) because Jackie recommended it to me (she has just asked that I clarify that she did not, in fact, recommend “Year of Magical Thinking” to me because she has not read it herself, but taking out that part would completely destroy the rest of the paragraph so I’m leaving it in. But just so there is no confusion, allow me to restate the Jackie did NOT recommend me the book about the thinking magically for a year). She has given me some jewels over the years, and all I’ve given to her was “Zippy,” which is a jewel in itself, and if you haven’t read it (Laura, Amber, this means you) then you really should. It’s laugh-out-loud funny and oh-so-good.
What do you like to read?
Filed under: random
Inexblicably, Ricky Martin’s “Shake Your Bon Bon” is on repeat in my head. I do not know from whence it came but I do wish that it wouldn’t take up residence as the Song I Will Be Humming Throughout Class Tonight, even though I fear that might be the case.
Jackie came over this afternoon and we spent time talking about blogging and boyfriends. Then I showed her the wonder that is Chi, and now she’s at work and I am sitting in front of my computer humming a ridiculous song and wondering what I should eat for dinner.
Filed under: conversations
“G’night, Child.”
“Night, Dad.”
“What are you looking at?”
“Someone’s blog.“
“Is that good thing or a bad thing?”
“What?”
“Blog.”
“This one happens to be a good thing, but there are some that are bad.”
“What is it?
“It’s sort of like a journal that you write in online. I guess. I mean, that’s the easiest way to explain it.”
“Do you have one?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“Because then people will know about you.”
“…right.”
“And I don’t want people coming to my house.”
“Why would that even happen?”
“You never know.”
