>>stripped of natural charm

Before I begin, let me preface this entry by saying that I understand that this is my job. I signed up for this gig knowing that I would be asked to deal with bitchy customers, try to answer impossible questions, look like an idiot when I direct people to the wrong aisle, and generally fake enthusiasm. I know the value of customer service and I’m happy to do it, really. But there are some things, big and small, that get under my skin & stay there.

Shopping carts. We’ve all used one. They are convenient little devices used to wheel around mass amounts of groceries (they are also good for riding down hills, but that’s generally frowned upon). Did you know that after you’ve unloaded the groceries from the cart to your car and lazily leave it in the nearest empty parking space that someone comes and retrieves it? You may have seen us around, actually. We approach you, help you unload your groceries, wish you a nice day, and bring your cart back to the store when you have some other pressing matter to attend to. We don’t mind doing this. Not at all. Most of us have been brainwashed (maybe brainwashed is too aggressive a term: perhaps “systematically and methodically coerced” is more appropriate) to care about customers because we understand that without you, our business doesn’t run. And most of the time (I stress “most”) we honestly don’t mind if you take your time, browse through the store, and ask questions. The more comfortable you feel in our store the more likely you are to come back. But I digress.

Often, yours is not the only cart we bring inside. We stop along the way and wrangle other wayward straglers that have been disposed of. We push anywhere from 4-10 carts at a time. If you could please not barrel through the parking lot like a bat out of hell and then get pissed at US because we’re in YOUR way (do you not even remember how grateful you were to us just thirty seconds before?) that would be most fantastic. A single cart is not a Heavy Thing but when lots of Not Heavy Things become lumped together and pushed up a hill, it becomes a Very Heavy Thing. Pretty please muster the paitence to wait fifteen seconds for us to get out of your way instead of racing through the stop signs because your time? It’s apparently just too precious to wait on someone who WAITED ON YOU. We wait on you to get off your cell phone, to find your check book, to run back and get something you forgot, to finish your conversations. We wait for that little light bulb to go on over your head that makes you realize “Oh my gosh, these people need me to find my money so I can get out of the store.” It’s called turnover, and without it we don’t have a business. Without it our store closes down and then where will you chat with your coworkers in the middle of a busy aisle for forty five minutes and then BLAME US because your ice cream is melted?

Here are some tips for all you grocery shoppers out there, directly from me to you:
-If you are going to be using a cart to do your shopping, bring one in from outside. It really helps us out (and you’ll be needing it anyway. Two birds with one stone).
-Parking lots are not the track for the Daytona 500. Slow and steady, okay?
-When we offer to help you out with your groceries, for the love of God let us. It breaks up the day, and it’s one less cart we have to worry about.
-If you decide to stop by the grocery store on your way home from work, be prepared to wait a few minutes. Stopping by and grabbing a few things is not a new and revolutionary idea; people do it all the time. All the time. Don’t mutter under your breath and talk not-so-quietly to the person in front of you about how slow the service is because it can get much slower if you keep it up.

Now. Don’t we all feel better now?