Filed under: Uncategorized
I was thinking about this in the shower* today:
I have a problem with Splenda.
The commercial says it tastes like sugar because it’s made from sugar, but it’s apparently not sugar. Doesn’t that defy some law of physics?
*This is how I got from shower to sugar: I was washing myself and was starting to notice that I had lost weight, and I thought “I should really stop eating almond M&Ms” and then I started thinking about how because I ate them this afternoon, I won’t be eating dessert tonight when I go out or when I come home, and then I thought about how the only sweet thing we have in this house is ice cream and the ice cream has no sugar in it because it’s been Splenda-fied, and that makes me mad but it doesn’t really taste any different so I guess it shouldn’t
Yesterday at work I got a phone call.
This is quite unusual because I rarely get phone calls for me personally.
But I did. Twice.
The first one came from Devin, and that was fun because Devin has never called me at work before, but the minute I got on the phone I became a hot commodity and couldn’t very well stay on the phone while handling everyone else’s business.
So I had to get off.
But it was still fun.
Then Laura called me right when I was calling her and I got a little confused.
Last night management decided it would be a great idea to wax the back hallway, so everything in that hallway got moved into the office so I had lots of things to play with instead of actually doing my job (which means I didn’t clean, not that I didn’t help customers. “Passionately focused on customer value”; it’s a standard. This is why I wear the green vest, folks).
Here’s a tip for all of the ladies (and all of the men who wear eye makeup): Instead of spending lots of money on eye makeup remover that never seems to work, get some vaseline. Smear some on your eye (a little more than a little, but not so much that it looks like you have some funky breed of conjunctivitis) and then use a tissue to wipe it off. It’s like magic.
I thought it was supposed to be winter, so could someone please explain the 79 degree weather? No, that’s not a typo. Seventy-freaking-nine. We’re bordering on hot and it’s the end of November. Geez louise.
Filed under: interview
I just decided this today.
Every Wednesday I’ll interview someone that spends mass amounts (or regular amounts, or whatever) of time online. The questions will be random and stupid and maybe thought-provoking, and hopefully this aids in spicing up the blog a little bit so you don’t have to continually hear about the naps I’m taking. Plus, you get to look at pictures of people who aren’t me and maybe learn a little bit, too.
Name:Laura Woythaler
Age: 22
Web address: myspace
Frequented sites: myspace, facebook, World of Warcraft (stfu), DOOCE,
denise’s journal
What do you miss most about your childhood? The simplicity of it all. Also
naps. Man, I love naps. And play-doh.
What do you do with your spare change? I usually spend it. I don’t put it in
a jar or anything if that’s what you’re wondering.
What’s one characterisitic of your significant other’s that you admire? I
only get to pick one? hrm. I honestly admire his intelligence. I’m always
learning new and interesting things from him.
Of all the things you’ve done in your life, what are you most proud of? I
don’t think I’ve accomplished anything yet that’s worthy of my pride. I
guess I’ll be most proud of getting my degree in a few weeks. Actually, this
is really retarded, but one thing I’m pretty proud of was that time in high
school, when I stood up for the students on the homecoming dance issue.
What do you hope to accomplish within the next two years? Hopefully i’ll be
traveling a lot… and finding a career that works for me. Either working
from home, working in another country, or working in a mental health/social
work field.
I’ve been asking for a dark green vest for months because I was the only person in the office that didn’t have one (until Danielle moved up there, and then I wasn’t alone).
I got it on Monday because mostly I think everyone was tired of hearing about it. Do I care? No. Because I have a green vest.
I feel very official. Maybe I should start carrying around a clipboard.
Now all I have to do is remember that the Western Union report has three pages.
THREE!
That shouldn’t be hard.
I’ve forgotten twice, though.
I mean, one time it only had two pages because we didn’t do a lot of them, but whatever.
Three!
I should set the alarm on my phone to remind me.
Except now I’ll probably remember.
Which is good.
Because people with green vests are supposed to remember stuff.
Filed under: lists
I usually type the way I talk. There are a few exceptions, so here is a look into my everyday lexicon:
Things I Say A Lot
+goodness gracious
+geez louise
+son of a BITCH! (with emphasis on “bitch”)
+oh my gash: a derivitive of “oh my gosh” except the gosh is drawn out and accented. I don’t know where I picked this up.
+what’s going on with my life: this is said when something small goes wrong and I’m feeling overly dramatic.
+I fucking love you: said when excited about something. It’s recently crossed my mind that maybe I should strike this from my vocabulary, or at least not say it to someone who a) has a crush on me or b) I’m dating. Because then they might think that I do love them. Of course, there’s a difference between my shouting “I fucking love you!” and me actually saying it. So maybe I won’t.
Things I Never Say
+Oh my God: I think it was engrained in me during my formitive years to not say “Oh my God” because it’s bad to take the Lord’s name in vain, but that doesn’t stop me from saying “Goddammit” (although that does explain the teeny twinge of guilt I feel after the word comes out of my mouth).
+Many positive things. Maybe I’ll start being nicer to people. I mean, I’m really sarcastic most of the time and it’s possible that my words make people feel bad. That wouldn’t be good. Just something to think about.
Filed under: random
Lately my coughs have been this remarkable combination of sneeze/cough. It’s truly a sight to behold. It might be the greatest thing that has come out of my sickness (yeah, I’m still sick. I’ve been sick since the 16th of this month and why I know that is beyond me, but there you go). Sometimes I cough without the sneeze and it makes my eyes tear and those tears spill down my face. My eyes also turn very red. So it looks like I’m simultaneously high and crying. It’s a head turner.
I went to Lakeland this afternoon to assist in some damage control, and Liz and I had some heavy conversations that left me thinking about relationships and the ever-elusive Future. She force-fed me Airborne to rid me of my sickness and gave me Sudafed Sinus to cure me of what ailed me. I enjoyed her company though the circumstances under which her company was attained were sad.
I also enjoyed seeing Chuck and Joe again. I enjoyed going to Sonic and seeing The Fountain and going to Starbucks even though I developed my first ever sinus headache in the middle of the movie.
Finding people who blog on the weekends is rare. I learned this on Sunday while I was surfing the wonderful internet. Thank goodness it’s Tuesday and people blog. Unless your name happens to be Devin. If that’s the case, you make two entries and call it a day. Or a blog. Or whatever.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Not that I consider it work, of course.
I’m going to Lakeland now, because hanging out with Liz is way better
than sitting around doing math homework for the rest of the night.
I’m eating apple pie for breakfast.
Pie is good. It’s my third favorite food.
I don’t like fruit pies, though, with the exception of apple.
Pecan and key lime and lemon mer-ang are definate favorites.
My tech ed class was cancelled today and I am eternally grateful
to the Gods of Cancelling Class for that miracle because I was NOT
looking forward to presenting my lesson plans. I can’t do much
talking without coughing my lungs up and my throat hurts
like the dickens. O yeah. The dickens. I’ve decided that I have strep
throat.
31 days. That’s a month. That’s like January, March, May, July, August, October, or December. Man. Putting it like that makes it seem like an eternity. But if I said that I have five weeks until Oregon, that seems a lot shorter. Especially when I kindly remind everyone that Christmas is just a mere four weeks away. That’s it. Just four. FOUR! FOOOOOOOOORE! (Please say that as if we are at a driving range hitting golf balls at the little thingy that drives around and picks up the golf balls. Thank you.) Except… maybe not. Because there are seven days in a week, and seven goes into thirty-one four times with 3 days left over. So a little over four weeks.
There.
That’s better.
“How do you find the area of a rectangle?”
“Base times height.”
“Good. What’s the difference between this parallelogram and a rectangle?”
“It’s italicized!”
School is winding down and I have much to accomplish in a week.
This includes, but is not limited to:
+taking a test
+building a gingerbread house
+writing a paper
+writing another paper
+typing out three lesson plans
+doing all of the assignments I should’ve done this semester
+studying
+doing homework I should’ve done over Thanksgiving break
Plus working 32 hours this week.
I have my work cut out for me.
Just thinking about it overwhelms me.
I’m completely torn between napping and making a small dent in the lesson plans.
Hmm.
Today is my parents’ 30th wedding annivesary.
Their marriage has been a good example to me, I think.
They never fought in front of us. We ate meals as a family. I was disciplined but never felt for one second that they stopped loving me.
I hope that my marriage is solid like that.
I’ve decided against taking a nap as I don’t have to work tomorrow and can nap then.
It’s good to make command decisions.
Dear Devin;
Blog please.
Thanks,
the girl who is not a manbot
Dear Anberlin;
I plan on calling you tonight
so we can discuss recent
events that have happend
in both of our lives.
Expect a call around 8:30 your time.
If this is no good, please let me know.
Thanks,
D
Dear Megan;
I lost your number.
Please contact me again
so I can hang out with you
because last time we did I
had a gay ol’ time.
Thanks,
Denise
Laura is in town for a brief period of time and after work I went to her house. She gave me lots of Publix gear (which is always great) and we talked about boys and life and Thailand.
After Laura’s I went to Jackies and she presented me with my birthday present: a table with the Lord’s Prayer painted on it. Not just any ol’ Lord’s Prayer, but the Olde English version. I’m learning how to say it (Old English isn’t the same as New English; different letters and shtuff) and so far, so good.
Work was unbelievably slow this evening. I stood around for forty minutes after my shift began before I waited on someone.
I had it in my head to go ahead and be a Diligent Student tonight and start typing the lesson plans I need for class on Tuesday, but I decided that I’ll do it tomorrow after work. I can at least write them out, I guess, so my time isn’t totally wasted.
Current song on repeat: Snow Patrol – Run.
Amazingness itself.
“…and I think that the fact that you both mantained that connection after you met says a lot about…”
“HAY!”
“What?”
“A BALE OF HAY! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! HAY!”
“Hey! There’s HAY!”
“I KNOW!”
In the middle of Jackie’s philosophical and deeply moving monologue I got distracted by a HUGE BALE OF HAY THAT WAS SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.
It took up a whole lane of traffic.
A bale of hay!
It was pretty remarkable.
I’m pretty sure I prefer old Snow Patrol to new Snow Patrol.
Communion in church today. Real wine served.
Wine in church. Is there anything better?
A nap is in order.
I love my sleep.
photo by dooce.
edited by snazzy mcgee.
“I could fall in love with you.”
I don’t think it’s fair to use my lines on me, you know.
If you’re going to try and woo me (which you don’t really have to do but it’s always nice), at least be original about it.
Drunkenness aside, of course. I don’t hold that against anyone.
Tonight will be the night that I’m going to apply myself acedemically.
Hopefully I can coerse Jack-o into coming over and helping me draw up some lesson plans.
Perhaps I can entice her with pizza.
Genius.
edit: Jackie will be joining me in the scholastic festivities, and since she is eating beforehand there is no need for me to get pizza. Just thought I’d keep you abreast of the situation. Ha. Breast.
“I’m going to be back. I need to make a movement.”
“What?”
“Drop a deuce.”
“*strange look*”
“I gotta go poop, man.”
Having Garrett home is pretty much the same as having him not home, except the mess in his room belongs to him and the cologne he sprays before he leaves lingers.
I’ve missed that smell.
I like the way guys’ cologne smells. Mmmmm.
I learned last night that there’s an excellent chance that I’ll get to try my hand at snowboarding while I’m in Oregon. I just hope that ya’ll realize that my insurance is not accepted at any of the hospitals so if I break my arm or leg or neck, I’m screwed.
Snowboarding.
Good Lord.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I’m currently hopped up on Nyquil, Actifed, Robotussin, and butter pecan ice cream. How I’m able to function is a medical mystery.
I would like to take this time of our regularly scheduled blogging to wish my dear friend and partner in tangibility (but not so much right now) a wonderfully happy birthday.
I am forever indebted to Shawn and Christy who made it possible for me to go home early from work and proceed to cough my guts out. Seriously. I coughed so frequently and with such oopmh that I vomited on more than one occasion.
35 days until Oregon.
Horray!
Filed under: Uncategorized
For all of those keeping track the score is now Denise – 0, Sickness – 754966823.
Damn it to hell.
Once upon a time there was a boy who was taking a nap.
This boy was very tired because he had just eaten a lot of turkey and gotten his ass handed to him in a rousing game of Connect Four.
This boy had a sister, the fairest maiden in all the land.
This sister was on the computer checking the blogs of her various friends when she gets an idea to take a picture of her brother, the Loser.
She very quietly opens the drawer where she stores her digital camera when she hears his thunderous voice. “Are you going to take a picture of me?”
“No,” she replies quickly. He proceeds to drift off into a deep sleep.
She rapidly snaps the picture, and before he can stir, dive bombs him, rips the covers off of his head, and interrupts his nap with laughing and flashing of the camera.
She posts the story in her blog and decides that she too would like a little Thanksgiving nap, so she decides that she will take one.
The end.
