things that currently ache:
+head
+stomach
+neck
+shoulders
things that are scratchy and sore:
+throat
miscellaneous other things:
+i have some weird fluid running down the back of my throat (please hold on to any blow job references and head jokes – i’ll collect them at the end of the blog)
+my eyelids, though open, are extremely heavy
i am getting sick.
i let work know at 8:15 that i wouldn’t be coming in,
and the only reason i’m still awake now is to go to church.
you see, i had this little deal with god. i didn’t set my alarm
clock and instead said “if i wake up around 8 i’ll go to church.”
i sat straight up in bed at 8:09. i felt like crap, but i was up.
church starts at 10:30. it takes a while to drive there – i should leave by 9:45.
it takes me half an hour to get ready, so i should get ready at 9:15.
it’s 8:46 now, which means i have 29 minutes to sit around and do
nothing. OR i could get ready now and get to church early to find parking
and locate christina. that sounds like a better plan.
“how do we block frozen again?”
“boxes get pushed back, bags get pulled forward.”
“does that sound a bit sexist to anyone else?”
“does anyone understand how much i fucking hate blocking water?”
*from other aisle over* “no.”
“what a shitty job. dammit. there’s so much of it! shit!”
“shhh.”
“why should i shh? is my language offending you? hey sylv! are you offended?”
*from other aisle over* “nope.”
“that’s right you’re not! you taught me everything i know!”
*from other aisle over* “you’re damn right.”
“is frozen done?”
“we’re working on it now.”
“okay. how much is left?”
“one side of 14.”
“great. can you finish it up before 10?”
“sure.”
“good.”
*to everyone, screaming* “let’s finish frozen, bitches”
*in warning tone* “denise…”
“sorry.”
“she’s not sorry, mike. not sorry at all.”
“i think i’m getting carpal tunnel.”
“that’s too bad.”
“WHAT? you don’t even CARE that my HAND is going to FALL OFF?”
“hands don’t usually fall off as a result of carpal tunnel, but i guess anything’s possible.”
“you’re a terrible manager.
i am definitely not tired.
after work i went to jackie’s and came home early because i was tired, but now that i’m home and all ready for bed i’m like “hmm, what can i do?”
blogging is an obvious choice, as is reading. i’ve already read.
what will happen when this is done?
will i explode?
we’ll see.
“denise quit church.”
“can you do that?”
it will be weird not waking up at seven tomorrow morning.
by weird i mean fanfreakingtastic. sleeping in on a sunday.
i have forgotten what that’s like.
i just yawned. i think talking about sleep is making me sleepy. i’m going to take advantage of this. of course, by the time i actually make it to my room and lay down i will be wiiiiide awake. it’s good that i know these things so i have time to prepare activities for myself, such as reading some more.
i really need some sort of life.
Filed under: work
today i was supposed to work from eleven thirty to six
but because of someone’s inconsiderateness i stayed
until close.
10.
eleven thirty to ten. that’s a freaking long time.
christy bribed me, though, and it was too good
an offer to pass up:
“i’ll let you train in the front office if you stay until close.”
kelly trained me for most of the day and it was fun
times, my friend. i am not looking forward to the day she leaves
for ft. lauderdale – i’ve enjoyed having her in close proximity.
she colored in my infinity tattoo with a green marker and i drew
eyes and a nose and made it a ninja turtle. i’m so glad i got paid
to stand around and draw on myself. that’s the makings of a good
employee right there, and don’t you forget it.
we got new machines at work and i really like them.
it’s like being on a computer all day. touch screens are amazing
and everyone should have one.
i think i understand lotto. maybe western unions, too.
this concludes my entry about work.
there’s not a piece of stable ground left to walk on
-underoath
it’s official now (as much as it can be, i suppose).
i quit the praise team this evening and will not be
returning any time soon. when i realized that the
only thing tying me to the church was my involvement
in a mediocre praise band, it was time to stop.
i was lukewarm and stagnant and hated that.
i was becoming what i despised.
Filed under: Uncategorized
instead of going to the movies with jackie, we rented the exorcism of emily rose and grandma’s boy and watched them in that order. i only watched about half of the latter due to the fact that i wanted to go home and blog (the makings of a true geek, lemme tell you what) and go to sleep, but what i saw was hilarious and i would love to watch it in its entirety when the opportunity presents itself.
after “exorcism” jackie and i went outside and smoked and talked about god, because watching a movie about demon posession usually segues nicely into that topic (although it made me blast christian music on the way home and double take at otherwise unominous shadows). i was good & freaked out and should never be allowed to watch scary movies again. ever.
i got home and found a racoon digging in our garbage can. a RACOON. i moved one of the cans into the garage like a Good Daughter and came inside and brushed my teeth whilst listening to voicemails. i got so captivated by one that i failed to notice the toothpaste falling out of my mouth and have decided that all it takes to get me distracted is a three-year old attempting to say “denise.”
tomorrow i am getting my oil changed.
the end.
there have been a lot of things that have happend lately that i keep meaning to mention, but because i am scatterbrained and forgetful i do not remember them. please know, though, that they were funny and/or meaningful and i would definately write about them if their memory was retained in mine.
i am quitting church. i came to this decision a few days ago. that’s the biggest thing in my life at the moment and the hardest thing to deal with. i’m struggling with it because i have been going to that church for years; there are a lot of good memories there and it will always be the church i love, but i can’t keep going there just because of the good memories. i’ve come to realize that you can’t force things to suit you when they absolutely don’t; i’m not growing spiritually there and that’s a big red flag that it’s time to move on. i’ve been complacent with the things that have been bothering me, unwilling to actually say outloud that i’m dissatisified with it. it all came to a head on sunday when i talked to joe (yes, that’s right. joe. but it’s all good, really, which is quite an odd feeling for me and i will get into it probably never). i wrote about my feelings an entry ago, fully expecting to be rid of the negative feelings i was having. they aren’t gone, though, and so that means i need to make a decision. i’ve made it. now i just have to act on it, be a brave little toaster and tell the worship leader that i’m quitting (which is also very heartbreaking), and find somewhere else to go. i have a few churches in mind (calvary, seven rivers, the springs), and now it’s just a matter of going. before i can go i need to have sundays free. before i have sundays free, i need to quit the worship team. before i quit the worship team, i need to actually tell the worship leader. before i tell the worship leader, i need to stop freaking out about it.
work has been strangely busy lately – people come back from vacation and such, school starting up soon. i don’t mind. work is money.
school might be kicking my ass. it all depends on how i did on the test i took today. i felt more prepared because i knew the format, but when it came time to label paintings and architecture i had no idea what to write. so i wrote the two that i knew (two out of NINE, by the way) and handed it in. there’s nothing you can do when you don’t know, right?
dap•per
adj.
1. neatly dressed; trim
2. very stylish in dress
“you look quite handsome today, dennis.”
“thanks. and quit calling me dennis.”
“denise! you look ravishing. dashing. dapper.”
“what does dapper mean?”
“it means something nice.”
“i’m looking it up when i get home. if it means something back, i’m killing you. that is not an empty threat.”
after church i went to publix to get some bread & milk and i was
wearing church clothes still.
“denise! i hardly recognized you.”
“i know. i clean up nice, right?”
“you’d be in trouble if i was 45 years younger.”
______________________
church was good today, but lately it’s been getting on my nerves.
everyone is so concerned about the time and the length of things.
i understand that there needs to be some order to the services,
but today when we got out of practice and were ready to go into
the sanctuary, something was said that made me livid.
it was something along the lines of this:
“they’re late getting out.”
“maybe they got a word from god or something and decided to stay. god doesn’t care how long the service is.”
“they need to be good servants and respect the timetable.”
something like that.
something like because the other service was over their time, they weren’t respectful.
i was fuming. i am sick to death of kip mentioning every other phrase that we’re “okay on time.” i’m sick of having songs cut out (and not even the gay “what would jesus do?” song, but the song that’s actually decent) because we’re “over on time.”
if people have to go, then they can go. if they want to stay, then let them stay.
the black churches have it right. they go until they stop. they’re not worried
about getting out before 10:15 and missing bible study.
that’s another thing. putting the bible study so close to the end of one service. it strikes me as inconvenient because maybe half the class is at the 9:00 service and the other is at the 11:00. if church runs long (which GOD FORBID HAPPENS BECAUSE THEN THE EARTH WOULD JUST QUIT SPINNING), then half the bible study class is missing.
who the heck’s brilliant idea is that?
my GOSH it vexes me. i’m so sick of it all.
i’m sick of the songs that have the same tempo, the songs that are more of a story than anything one can actually worship to. i’m sick of the order of service, sick of the time constraints (not really sick of those, but sick of everyone mentioning them every 4 seconds), sick of the music selection, sick of the juvenille looking powerpoint presentation that goes along with the sermon (remember the days when preachers actually preached instead of looking at the computer? remember that?) and i know that the p.p. helps people who are visual learners so whatever, but it’s a real distraction when the computer messes up and the sermon has to STOP because it’s not going along with the powerpoint. turn off the freaking computer and PREACH to us.
i’m sick of the announcements being made at the end of the service because it messes up the flow (though the flow is weird and scattered as it is, so i guess having the announcements at the end just reinforces the fact that things are sort of jacked). we’re having a nice service, being in the presence of god, and then “o, by the way, don’t forget to give us money and send in your peanut butter and there’s some guy coming to talk about who knows what on such and such date and blah blah blah” and what in heaven’s name is so hard about getting up in the beginning and welcoming everyone to church and addressing the announcements then? telling them to sign the attendance pads then, before the end of the service while people are walking out to go to sunday school because HOLY CRAP IT’S ALMOST 10:15 BETTER NOT BE LATE.
this is my rant and it’s about little things that don’t matter but i needed to get it out so i could quit focusing on them. i know that the little things can snowball into bigger things, and that at the core of our church there is a heart for god and serving our community. these are just a few things that have been pecking at my mind and i needed to be rid of.
me: hi, how are you?
them: i’m doin’ good, how are you?
me: fine thanks
them: you don’t seem fine. why aren’t you smiling? what’s wrong?
me: nosy customers.
them: *silence*
i felt weird when i went to work today, my stomach was going “aslkdfja;slkdfj” and my head was achey and i suddenly and passionately hated everything about the grocery industry, from the stupid uniforms to the stupid people to the stupid leveling and the stupid old people smell of half of the customers in the place.
i did not get to go home, and that was good.
kristin was my saving grace tonight – it was shit before we started talking and then we laughed and life was better again. i will be sad when she moves because THEN WHAT? and i will be sad when kelly moves too, but for other reasons because i don’t really see her at work.
I AM OFFICIALLY TRAINING FOR THE FRONT OFFICE.
how scary is that. customer service. i might kill someone (or be killed).
after work i went to jack’s and then we scooted on over to ashley’s where we played scene it and won BOTH FREAKING TIMES because i am so good at that game that it’s unfair to all of the other participants.
it’s 2:34 a.m. and i have to wake up in less than 5 hours and
i really should go to bed but the adrenaline from the most excellent
victory has not worn off yet.
whenever my phone is about to ring my computer makes the weirdest noise in the history of the world. i have come to associate the weirdass noise with the phone in a pavlonian way, and when the computer made the noise and the phone did not ring i was highly disappointed.
that is all the information i have for you today.
stay tuned, okay?
i’ve been spending lots of time with jackie because she’s
back from north carolina for a while. i’ve missed her.
we mostly sit around and talk about life and do crossword
puzzles and though it sounds boring and uneventful,
i wouldn’t trade it for anything.
we talk about writing, god, sex, guys, life, school,
grammar, music, relationships, siblings,
and everything i forgot to mention.
today in humanities we watched “much ado about nothing”
and it was amazing, so funny and great. usually i do not
like shakespear (!) but watching it is much easier than
reading it. after a while i got used to the language and
began to understand what was going on.
i worked today from 3 to 6:30. it was boring. i absolutely
hate bagging. i hate hate HATE it. the jury is still out
on whether i hate it more than blocking – it might be a tie.
i’m becoming frustrated with the praise team.
not the whole of it. on the whole, it’s really
fun. there are some changes that i would
make, though, and that doesn’t matter at all
because i am not in charge.
“so we were going to wing house. i’m not sure why we were going…”
“maybe you were going to ogle the scantily-clad waitresses serving mediocre chicken.”
“you sounded so smart just then.”
“i AM smart, i just choose not to show it because then people expect things from me.”
“that’s smart, too.”
“i know. i’ve got it all figured out.”
ali mentioned today that she did not appreciate my mention of her in my blog.
i will now remedy that by posting a short poem i wrote for her:
you stand all day in your dark green smock
smiling and serving with ease;
checking to see if we have it in stock
from lube to chocolate to peas.your makeup looks good and you love the yanks
but i will not hold it against you;
ali, o ali, you give my ass spanks
i smack back: it’s the least i can do.o dearest al, i am glad we are friends
because you are nice and so funny;
we’ll be together til we both wear depends
you make my life very sunny.
i’m sorry it’s not better. i just now made it up.
as mentioned, i took a three hour nap yesterday.
this caused me to not be tired at all last night.
i went to bed at 3, tossed & turned & eventually fell asleep.
the number i last remember is 3:23.
i get a phone call at 3:34. i am on the phone until god knows
when, laughing and being british.
i do not fall asleep again until 4:45 because of factors
both within and beyond my control.
i woke up this morning at 8:20 just like i always do.
i think this might be what being hungover feels like.
my eyelids are heavy, light makes my head ache,
and all i want to do is crawl back into bed forever
and ever, amen because am i expected to actually
face the day in this tragic condition? i think not.
note to self:
never take three hour naps in the middle of the day
when you know for certain that doing so will result
in never going to sleep that night, you dumbass.
Filed under: random
if i was ever going to commit a felony, it would not be with ali.
all it would take for her to confess everything would be a
middle of the night phone call.
i definately started this blog half an hour ago. i got sidetracked
by religious discussions with dan.
i had the most amazing dinner ever tonight. it was really good.
it made me poop a lot, though, and i could’ve done without that.
Oscar Wilde – “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”
do not overlook the importance of flossing on a regular basis.
sensitive gums could be a sign of the beginning stages of gingivitis.
consult your dentist for further explination and helpful hints
on preventing this unsightly gum disease.
if you simply do not like flossing, i suggest you do so anyway.
also, it’s a good idea to use a mouthwash such as listerine to
break up plaque and get between teeth when you cannot (or do not)
floss. if the listerine flavor is too intense for you, try filling half the
cap with the rinse and the other half with water. that
lessens the eye-tingling burning, but has the same effects.
maybe. i’m not too sure.
it is important to brush your teeth for a miniumim of
two minutes to ensure that the plaque and germs are
gone. do not stick the toothbrush too far back into your
throat or else you will choke and die.
i am in no way a trained dental consultant.
i have some good ideas, though.
please take care of your pearly whites.
Filed under: conversations
violet12118: i have one
denise isthebest: i know.
violet12118: i should know about ‘em
denise isthebest: this is true. but i have a mental disorder and i don’t know anything about those, so your logic is faulty
violet12118: well you should know about them
denise isthebest: i’m working on it
violet12118: it wasn’t an “IF, THEN” thing
violet12118: it was a “IF, SHOULD THEN” thing
denise isthebest: smart. that’s why you were president of the school.
violet12118: nah, it’s because i had the best campaign manager EVER
denise isthebest: this is also true
violet12118: but maybe that was just a smart move on my part. the world may never know
denise isthebest: she made shirts. she spread rumors. you can’t go wrong there
“what’s wrong, al?”
“my neck is sunburned.”
“did you put aloe on it?”
“yep. i’ve put everything on it.”
“everything?”
“yes.”
“really? everything? *raises eyebrow*”
“you’re disgusting.”
“what’s digusting?”
“you are.”
“i’m writing this down.”
“you don’t have to. everyone already knows you’re disgusting.”
“i’m not disgusting. you’re the one who put everything on his neck.”
“not everything, you disgusting person. aloe. lotion. that’s it.”
“what are you guys fighting about?”
“al has a sunburned weenie so now it hurts when he whacks off.”
“WHAT?”
“you know.”
“i know you’re disgusting.”
“no YOU ARE!!”
“good one.”
“are you stripping the floors tonight?”
“no.”
“why not?”
“they didn’t schedule me to help.”
“why not?”
“i talk too much and am a Major Distraction.”
“that’s a good reason.”
“they think i’m lazy, too.”
“you are lazy.”
“everyone thinks i’m lazy but i’m really just a flake.”
“a flake?”
“yeah. i forget what i’m doing all the time. i’ll go to get change and end up putting back product that people didn’t want, or i’ll be helping a customer and end up talking to the people in the bakery. i don’t think my head’s on straight.”
“you should get that looked out.”
“i’ve tried. i always end up doing something else. i’m flakey i tell ya!”
“definately.”
“denise, you’re like the granddaughter i never had.”
“really?”
“sure”
“in that case, you owe me 21 christmases worth of presents, and 21 birthdays worth of cash. put in for overtime, sylv. you’ve got some catchin’ up to do.”
“you sneaky bitch.”
“sylvia! that’s not a very grandmotherly thing to say.”
i’ve worked for publix, collectively, for about 3 years. in that time, there have been maybe 5 days where i actually felt like i worked. today was one of them. i am exhausted. my legs are killing me, my shoulders are achey, and my eyes are watery. i don’t think the eyes being watery has anything to do with anything. i just thought i’d throw that in there.
the three closing cashiers were me, betty, and cynthia. betty is from new york and cynthia is from jersey so they have accents. i felt very left out so i talked in my british accent. then christina joined the fun and talked in spanish while i was her royal translator. i did not translate well since i only know about 2% of spanish, but we made it work.
church this morning was great. o my goodness.
i have never gotten so many compliments in my life.
after church i saw a plethora of red cars. i wonder what
that means. maybe it means that all of the people in
who live here who have red cars decided it would be nice
to go for a sunday drive down the highway. perhaps.
the saddest thing to come home to is a phone that has
no missed calls and an empty AIM catcher.
my arm smells really good. i don’t know why.
“so i went to new york on the fourth of july and called my mom.”
“that’s nice of you.”
“i thought so too. i called and i said ‘hey mom! guess where i am?’ and she said ‘where?’ and i said ‘jail!’”
“*laughs for 5 minutes and is still laughing as she types this out*”
“she didn’t think it was too funny. she was so pissed that she pulled over onto the side of the road and reamed my ass for like 15 minutes, first for being in jail and then, when she realized i was joking, for joking about being in jail.”
“tough break.”
“i know.”
“it’s really funny, though.”
“I KNOW!”
there were a trillion other funny things that were said when i went to see jackie (herein referred to as jack because that is what i call her) tonight, but they were not stored in my long-term memory and have since been forgotten. i consider this an unfortunate event because there was one snippet that i specifically remember “i am totally going to blog about this later” (does this make me lame? perhaps) and i am miffed that i don’t remember it.
i got off of work at ten on the nose and went to jack’s after i’d come home and chilled out for a while. she taught me random chinese words and i did her eyebrows while her mother tried to unlock the bathroom door (it had been mysteriously locked from the inside and then shut. everyone in the house denies doing so). her mother tried to kick the door but missed and consequently, there is now a hole and it’s hilarious.
i have not been reading my bible lately. i had a nice little groove in the beginning of the summer where i read it every stinking day, and now my reading has dwindled into the occasional looking up a verse when someone asks me to. i do not know if this bothers me or not. i guess if i have to think about it then it doesn’t. i’ve also been feeling very disengaged at church; i pay attention maybe 3/4 of the time and don’t write anything down anymore. i am apathetic to the fact that my “walk” with god is pratically nonexistent. we are walking together, but i have stopped to rest on a bench. i hate the phrase “walk with god” and i am sorry that i used it.
i really wish i could dance well.
