usually church is sort of boring.
we sing our songs, pastor preaches the message,
we sing more songs and people pray,
and then we leave.
today something was different.
i can’t really put my finger on it.
we sang our songs and they were good.
pastor preached his message and it was good.
we sang a song and people prayed
and then after pastor gave the announcements
& benediction, we sang again.
usually when we sing at the end people leave.
this time, though, they didn’t leave.
they stayed and danced and worshipped and talked
and it was very very odd indeed.
being on the praise team is fun again.
it’s good to be under good leadership.
it’s good to be with good people.
i use the word “good” a lot, because that’s what it was.
words like “amazing” and “terrific” are overused,
especially by me. good.
god seperated the light from the darkness and saw that it was good.
god made bird, fish, reptile, and animal and saw that it was good.
god made music and love and people and the world and it was good.
very good indeed.
things have been rearranging in my life, and it’s a very humbling feeling.
emotions are being brought to the surface, thoughts are appearing.
life is changing and sometimes it sucks but mostly i’m okay with it all
because if that’s how god wants it, that’s how it’s going to be.
we can go along agreeably or we can go kicking and screaming,
but the bottom line is that if god wants us to be somewhere
we’re going.
okay. i’m done now.
Filed under: Uncategorized
“you are the sunshine of my life. that’s why i’ll always stay around. that is all.”
thank you.
always, always, and always.
Filed under: work
today i blocked.
that’s fancy terminology for “making shit straight.”
sounds simple, but i am incredibly terrible at it.
i spent three hours on three aisles.
it should NOT take that long.
since i am short, i was constantly climbing up and down the ladder.
since i cannot make my hands do two different things at the same time,
i could do one thing at a time and that hindered any noticable progress.
since i am normally a very social person and this is a single person task,
it was lonley and boring and i kept stopping and going up front to bag
simply for the social aspect of it.
we didn’t get out until 10:15 on account of me being a terrible blocker
and i felt horrible about it.
garrett has a girl in the living room and he introduced me out of courteousness
and out of courteousness i was civil, but i will not make any efforts to get
to know her because in two weeks she’ll be gone and she has no idea.
they’re all the same, too.
every last one of them.
my aunt had a memorial day thing this afternoon and i couldn’t
go because of work but my entire family was there.
i went to the gym this morning when i woke up
and that was not a wise idea because it takes me
about forty five minutes to actually get moving
after i wake up. i’m not talkative and not social
and not really anything until i’ve been up for a while.
i am never doing that again.
tomorrow i have to wake up for church.
it starts at 9 but matt makes us be there at 8
to run over songs and things and that pisses me off.
not really because i get to hang out with phyllis and
she’s awesome but i really hate waking up early.
i am full of complaints today and i need to take
my mind off of them but i simply can’t.
i feel like crying a little bit.
i don’t even know why.
i guess i do.
i’m not used to having bad days.
Filed under: conversations
“did you pack a washcloth?”
“i don’t need a washcloth.”
“what do you do when you get soap in your eye?”
“the bottle clearly states to avoid the eye area.”
“but what about your mascara?”
“mom, i don’t need to take a washcloth.”
“you really don’t get soap in your eye?”
“no.”
“i don’t get soap in my eye either, aud. you must be doing it wrong.”
“do you work today?”
“nope.”
“sounds like a tough day.”
“what about you? you’re home at 10 in the morning on a thursday.”
“i had a case this morning.”
“and now?”
“now i have to go play golf with my brother.”
“sounds like a tough day.”
Filed under: Uncategorized
i needed to make an entry that wasn’t all about work.
nothing is going on besides that, though.
i talked to the pacific northwest of things for about 3 minutes today
so woohoo! for that. and also, congrats are in order for her. shh.
when garrett leaves to go out be sprays so much cologne that
you can smell it for miles. i bet you can smell it right now.
he also got semi-accepted into the highway patrol thing.
he needs to take some test and some other test and then
he’s in. we’ll see.
ashley & paul came and saw me at work today.
paul erased the date off of my date board.
that was inconvenient.
last night band rehearsal was frustrating and wearing.
too much new stuff was introduced and arrangements of
familiar songs changed and it made me growl.
for real.
yesterday i did three pushups. it was weird because i could
never do pushups before. i am a beast.
“my name’s not fuckin’ warren!”
“his name’s not warren.”
“his name’s not warren.”
“i thought his name was warren!”
that is what i will leave you with.
i hope you enjoy it.
Filed under: work
today was long.
about half an hour into my shift the electricity went out.
it was the weirdest thing ever.
thanks to generators the registers still worked so things were
basically fine.
after twenty minutes or so the lights came back on
and all was well again in publix 255.
i was supposed to get off at 6 but amanda asked me
to stay later. i said i couldn’t, and then in my head
i heard oregon, oregon, oregon
so i told her i’d cover the shift.
it was SUPER busy today because of memorial day
and i maybe had a grand total of 5 minutes of
downtime the whole 9 hours. nine hours isn’t
really a long time to work but because it
was slammed the entire day it felt like about
thirty bajillion hours.
i work tomorrow from three thirty to ten, blocking.
i felt like such an old woman last night. i went to bed
early and woke up at 9:45 this morning feeling
refreshed and good.
today was the kind of hot that makes you sweat
the moment you get outside. it’s the kind of hot
that makes the air conditioning hot. it’s gross
and i hate florida.
after work i drove around and listened to ray charles
to calm down and let the day go. it was the best idea
i’ve ever had.
it’s only ten and i’m thinking about going to bed
on account of no one is online, my phone hasn’t
rang in 34534 years, and i have no more books to read.
i wish i could be more exciting for you
but i’m just too tired.
Filed under: Uncategorized
tonight i almost stepped on a cockroach and
then i wondered how cockroaches got their name.
because of class i missed jenny’s graduation.
i called her & congratulated her & told her i was proud of her.
tomorrow i am going over there before her flight leaves at 3.
she is like a little sister to me & though i don’t see her often,
i will miss her. i have known her since she was at least 8 years
old and now she is graduating high school and i don’t know
what to do with myself anymore.
my brother is out on a date right now
and he is not back yet. i wonder if it
is going well and if he is respecting her
and what she’s like.
then i realize it’s not my life and it doesn’t
matter if she’s slutty or not because it
is not my choice, it is his.
on july 16th i’m singing the offertory in church
(that is where people bring up their money
& get a little song to listen to in the process).
i already got a track, but i’m second guessing
myself because i’d rather sing something else.
we shall see.
the end.
Filed under: Uncategorized
someone please tell me they saw the whole american idol/clay aiken thing.
it was just about the funniest thing ever on national television.
i had a test in personal wellness.
i finished quickly and went to the library
to add pictures to my myspace and talk to
the pacific northwest of things for a bit.
i came home, ate dinner, and then went to publix
because there is nothing to do in this town.
i sat in the back office with kelly for a while
and then hung out with kiki.
justin loves me and that’s all there is to it, really.
normally age differences don’t bother me, but
the whole him being seventeen thing does because boys
simply aren’t all that mature at that age.
there are exceptions, of course, but i’m thinking
he’s probably not one of them given
the conversation i had with him earlier in the day.
what else, what else.
i talked to liz today and that was all fun & games.
aw.
i haven’t watched american idol this season because
i just haven’t, and as much as i regret to say this
i’m sure it will be true: taylor will win.
simple as that.
a white male has not won the competition yet
and they want to appeal to every demographic.
thus, taylor wins.
goodbye.
Filed under: work
work was not boring today, it was just long.
not really that long. only 6 hours.
two old women came through my line.
old lady one says “it’s her birthday today!”
so i sing her happy birthday.
“happy birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.
happy birthday dear *this is the point in the game where
i realize i have no idea what this lady’s name is* ….ma’aaaaam
happy birthday to you.”
everyone laughed.
then some guy tried to steal onions because they wouldn’t scan.
i tried 3 times to scan them and then tried to punch in the
numbers, but it was still being gay so he says
“forget about it, i’ll do somethin’ with ‘em”
and i think he’s going to take them back.
then i see him stick the onions in the bag.
“sir! i…you…*weird “i can’t believe this is happening” noises*”
“shh, it’s fine. you’re a good girl.”
“no! i will go straight to hell!”
“it’s fine *winks*”
i keep scanning his groceries and when he’s not looking, i ring up the onions using a way we’re not supposed to but desperate times call for desperate measures. take that, you stingy old bastard.
i have a test today in personal wellness and i have not studied.
i suppose i could study instead of updating the blog and watching
malcom in the middle (o i said it).
my priorities might be a little askew.
or maybe not!
laura is online and she’s in europe right now and it’s ten forty five there
and i miss her so much.
Filed under: Uncategorized
i’m never going to the gym three times in one day again.
ever.
ya heard?
my mom came home for lunch like she always does.
this time, though, she looked excited.
“denise!”
“hey ma.”
“i went to the dentist this morning and annie’s mom was cleaning my teeth. we chit-chatted a little bit and she asked how you were doing. she said, now listen to this before you get mad, that she said she was disappointed that you were going into children’s ministry. she said that you were too special for something so ordinary. she said you needed to take a job outside of the church and reach people that way because you have a spark.”
“wow.”
“i know! i got goosebumps as she was talking to me. then she told me that she was going to pray about it, so if all of the sudden you feel god calling you to something you’ve never thought of before, please don’t ignore it.”
“wow.”
“i know, honey. i know. it was the weirdest thing. and i think she’s right.”
i went to the gym today and it sucked as usual.
it’s the price you pay, really.
last night i went to the library and picked up a million little pieces and i’m halfway through it.
it’s very good. intense. good.
it’s already three in the afternoon.
what do i have to show for my morning?
i made my bed.
i read some.
i ran some.
that’s it.
the house season finale is on tonight and
house gets SHOT. i’m so excited. i hope he
doesn’t die. he can’t die. the show is named after him.
i work tomorrow morning.
i have class tomorrow night.
i’m not used to these busy days.
yesterday i had my first day at work.
i bagged groceries for a total of 15 minutes and then got “trained”
(which means i competently ran shawn’s register and every once in
a while asked him what the number for plum tomatos was).
after a half hour of that, i got my own pan.
cashiering is like riding a bike.
*plays “mary had a little lamb” on the phone over the PA system*
“who the hell is doing that?”
“denise, i’ve missed that.”
“o my gosh, i thought i’d never hear that again.”
“this makes me nostalgic.”
“you should’ve heard it when she did it the first time. it was hilarious.”
“jim yelled from somewhere ‘DENISE!’”
“…and i got all mad because why did it have to be ME that did it? it could’ve been anyone.”
“not really.”
“no, not really.”
“your total is $57.73. *hands me $57.75* whoa big spender. can i keep the change? i might be able to pay off my car payment.”
“only if you’ll go to dinner with me.”
“*nervous laughter* have a good night. *begins wiping down register*”
“so where do we stand on dinner?”
“i think my boyfriend would be pretty mad.”
“i bet he would. no harm in tryin’.”
“no there’s not. have a good night, sir.”
he leaves.
“denise, you don’t have a boyfriend.”
“he doesn’t need to ever know that. ever. ew. did you see him? he had like no teeth. and he was at least 50.”
“he was a catch.”
“why couldn’t it have been a guy that wasn’t 30 years older than me with all of his teeth? why does THAT never happen to me?”
“who has that ever happend to?”
“i’m sure it’s happend before.”
“i don’t think so.”
“you’re probably right. it’s a mark of desperation to ask out a grocery store clerk you just met. you should at least come in for a while and talk to her and stuff.”
“so you want someone to stalk you?”
“exactly. but not an old guy with some weird tooth thing.”
i got home at 9:20 and took a looooong bath.
my feet were killing me and this is going to take getting used to.
this morning i woke up at my shoulders hurt and my legs hurt.
i am a bucket of complaints today, lemme tell you what.
if my balogna did have a name, it sure as hell wouldn’t be oscar.
after my long bath i sat on the porch and read more of “painted deserts” and talked to the pacific northwest of things.
there are no words, really. but i’ll try and think of some.
“when i die, i don’t care what i die from, i want “died of tyhiod” or “died of dysentary” on my tombstone.”
“i want dysentary. because dysentary means you shit yourself to death.”
“nice.”
for some reason that’s all i can remember. darn it to heck.
the phone call ended and then i read more of luke.
jesus is one cool dude.
SPEAKING OF WHICH. i’m very excited about seeing the da vinci code.
who knows when that will be. maybe friday or saturday.
i most likely wouldn’t name my balogna, because when you name something you begin to develop an emotional attatchment to it so i would end up not eating it, and then that’s a waste of balogna.
not that i actually like balogna. i prefer roast beef. but that’s not the issue.
the issue is that no one should name things that they plan on killing and/or eating.
it’s just not necessary.
Filed under: Uncategorized
according to some group that counts people, the city of inverness
has 7,000 people in it.
my only question is this: where the hell are they?
church today went wonderfully.
there was cake. mmmm.
this morning it was quite foggy so i turned on my lights because
i am a safe driver. however, i forgot to turn them off.
the rest of the story tells itself, really, but since
stories don’t normally talk i’ll tell it to you.
i walked out and tried to start my car and got nothin’.
milt tried to give me a jump and my car alarm went off.
in the parking lot of church.
with a service going on inside.
and it wouldn’t shut up.
and i like sentence fragments, apparently.
anyway, after half an hour of fiddling around with things,
the car alarm would not shut off and my car wouldn’t
even turn over so i went to lock it all up so ashley
& paul could take me to my house.
the alarm magically shut off.
i hurried and locked it and drove away and all was well.
pastor kip talked about the da vinci code today and
all i could think was “o brother.”
that’s all i’m going to say.
i do not know what i want for lunch.
i work today.
the end.
when i was in fourth grade i had a hardcore case of the chickenpox.
i now have a scar in between my eyes that i hate.
see it?
annoying, right?
exactly.
i also have a freckle on the end of my nose and whenever i think about it as i look into the mirror, that’s all i see.
try to pluck my eyebrows but get sidetracked by the freckle.
try to put on eyeliner and get sidetracked by the freckle.
now that you know about it, it’s all you’ll see when you talk to me.
it’s not like some huge ass thing that pokes out. and i’m not a freckle-y person.
just some random freckle on the end of my nose.
where the hell do i come up with these things?
sometimes i reread posts before i do any real posting and think “holy shit. people will read this and think i am absolutely crazy.”
it adds spice to life. think outside the box.
i went to my publix orientation in crystal river today and it was BORING AS CRAP.
i already knew everything and so i was getting paid seven dollars to sit there and be bored out of my head.
the only exciting thing is that my lighter exploded in my car.
i always put it below my radio, and i got in my car and it was on the floor
and was smashed to smithereens. i thought that maybe i stepped on it
or something, but there was a piece of it on the dashboard and
some in the passenger’s seat. it was nifty.
i was sitting there as the trainer guy was talking about 401(k)s and stock
and stuff and i found myself actually paying attention and
the concept of paying attention to things so grown up made me
uncomfortable so i went to the bathroom.
after the orientation i drove back to inverness & went to publix to get my uniform and give paperwork to susan.
turns out i’m working soon.
in like 11 hours.
tomorrow from one to nine.
yeah. it was a shock to me too.
i came home and took a nap, woke up at 6 and ate dinner and then went
to praise band practice. it was LOADS better than last week.
gosh. i’m so content with the way things were tonight. it
made up for last week in a big way.
finished the bell jar earlier today and it was good.
i like books about mental illness, i’ve decided.
perhaps because i find myself being able to relate.
one of the most interesting books i’ve ever read was one called
when rabbit howls, and it’s about a woman with
multiple personalities. it’s not actually ABOUT her.
all of her “troops” wrote it. it’s amazing.
not that i have multiple personalities.
i might.
the pacific northwest of things has called me twice today
and i loved every stinkin’ minute of it.
when i got home from band practice, the house was dark and that means
the parents are sleeping.
i took a shower and then got online and i hear “denise?”
“what?”
“are you awake?”
“nope.”
“i’ve been trying to sleep for an hour but i just can’t.”
“sorry ma.”
“i’m going to sit on the porch.”
“i’ll come.”
my mom and i sat on the porch from eleven to twelve thirty and
talked about life. i talked about publix for half an hour and it’s
clear that i have been brainwashed.
i’m thinking of staying with the company forever. i’ll get
a degree in business or something and become the president
of publix supermarkets by the time i’m 30. probably not.
but maybe.
the two hour nap i took today was a terrible idea.
i’m WIIIIDE awake and it’s now two thirty but i might
force myself to sleep (this has never EVER worked)
and hope for the best.
i am excited about getting to sleep in tomorrow.
i mean, i never get to really sleep in on sundays
on account of church responsibilties, but
i get to sleep until 7:30 because i took a shower
tonight AND picked out what i’m going to wear
so i can wake up, do grooming and primping, eat
breakfast, and make the long treck across the
street to be there at 8.
i shaved my legs tonight.
you know what that means?
i’ll tell you what that means.
it means that i’m wearing a skirt tomorrow.
i know you were just DYING to know what i was
planning on wearing to church.
it’s black, by the way. black skirt, white shirt with
black stuff on it, and black high heels. now you are
completely caught up.
i really like waffles. i really like to make waffles with the waffle iron.
remember clear pepsi? i’m sad that it’s gone. you can buy it on ebay, though.
i doubt it’s still good. coke doesn’t have that long of a shelf life.
you know what DOES have a long shelf life? honey. and fruitcake.
today i got a new toothpaste.
colgate total with a mint stripe, if you must know.
it’s nice to be on late at night again.
i don’t have internet in my room, so i have to use
my brother’s computer. most of the time he’s in bed by ten
because has gets up for work at 6:30.
what is up with all the people in my house being in bed early?
i’m thinking i was adopted.
i need to get my eyes checked again. my vision is getting worse.
this means i get new glasses. that’s fun.
my brother is the only one in the family that doesn’t wear glasses.
i’m thinking he was adopted.
i always tell him that, too. and that he was dropped off by aliens.
it goes like this:
me: “you were adopted. you aren’t my real brother. the aliens dropped you off and mom and dad felt so bad because you were so ugly so they kept you.”
brother: look that says “you have been saying this for 15 years and i will never believe you.”
me: “okay, i lied. you weren’t adopted. you were a mistake. mom and dad didn’t want you but they kept you because they felt bad.”
mom: “what are you guys whispering about?”
me: “i’m telling him the truth about his life.”
mom: “honey, you weren’t a mistake. none of my kids were. denise, shut up.”
me: *whispers* “you were a misTAKE!”
i’m expecting my sister of the year award any day now.
suddenly i got very sleepy.
i’m going to take advantage of this.
goodnight, moon.
Filed under: Uncategorized
tonight my brother decided that we all (the parental units and the children) needed to spend some quality time together.
we ate at stumpknockers on the square and it was muy delicioso.
on a whim, i am going to visit thomas in lady lake.
i haven’t seen him for some time so this should be interesting.
i should’ve shaved my legs because i don’t feel like wearing jeans.
time to fold laundry, mateys.
no idea where that came from.
just go with it.
